Read this at work. I liked it. Didn't see the end coming. Diagloue was great as well. Nothing much to comment about from that. I'm going to see the short film later.

Gabe

Thanks for checking it out everybody.  Glad you enjoyed it.

Breanne,

I'm glad you liked the twist.  When I conceived the idea, I was pretty fond of it myself, and it was just a matter of building up to that.  Seems to have been fairly well received, and for that I'm glad.

Ste,

Thanks for the comments on the dialogue.  I get nervous sometimes because people have commented on the dialogue being good in a script, but when I see the finished film it comes off as a little clunky, and I end up pulling my hair out over it.  "They weren't supposed to say it that way!".  I've been getting better with that though, and had no problem at all with the delivery in this one.

Ripley,

Thanks for checking out the script, and I hope you enjoy the film as well.

Hey Mike,

I really, really enjoyed watching this. The twist at the end came as a big suprise, i never saw it coming but I liked it. I actually had to watch this on my Itouch because flash on my computer isn't working at the moment.

But It was well worth it. I really enjoyed this

Kacy.

Hey Kacy,

Thanks for watching.  Glad you enjoyed it and that the twist came as a surprise.  I was really afraid it would be obvious, but I'm glad it hasn't been so far.

I thought the entire story was cliche and predictable and the dialog was too on-the-nose.  I don't understand all the praise people are giving you, Shelton.

All kidding aside, I did like this piece and was genuinely surprised by the ending.  Usually, I can pick these things out well in advance; I couldn't this time.  Maybe it was because I got involved in the story.  The dialog flowed very naturally, I thought.

Victor's performance, I thought, wasn't the greatest, particularly when he as 'seeing if he still got it.'


Phil

Thanks, Phil.  I'm glad you enjoyed it.  The twist seems to be getting everybody, which is surprising, but I won't complain about it.  That's the whole point.

The dialogue part is basically why I argue when I'm told I have too much.  It may seem like a lot, but it generally flows and comes off as natural when it's all said and done, if it's executed well.

I'm not sure if the performance aspect is my fault or not, since I'm actually thinking I didn't write it the right way.  Too much time in between gives away that it's an act I think.  Oh well, live and learn.

Liked the script.  The story is kind of predictable after he talks about his past life as an actor but i liked it none the less.  I thought the twist at the end kind of detracts from the theme of the short a little which seems kind of odd because it reinforces the idea of not judging a book by its cover but that's just a thought.  Good story though.  

Hey Brian,

Thanks for checking it out, but I have to admit I'm a little torn on the your evaluation of the ending.  It reinforces the idea, yet seems odd?  What is it that could have been done differently?  It's not a huge deal since it's already been shot, but it could be beneficial for future reference.

Shelton,

I checked out the video clip first and then read the script. I think they could've done a better job at the beginning when the bum reaches into his pocket and scares the girl, but other than that it was great and I guess that was because of the source material.

Congrats on having your script filmed.

Hey Bob,

Thanks for checking it out.  The interesting thing with the build up and suspense part that's contained in the script, is that it was the result of some discussion back and forth between the director and I.  

I'll have to admit to being pretty surprised at how it actually went down after all that, but how it's in there is alright, I guess, and was probably easier to film.

Thanks again, and I'm glad you enjoyed it.

Mike

This was filmed...again.

I haven't watched it yet due to lack of speakers at work, but I figured post and let you all comment and compare.

At the beginning I thought, “How’d they get Kevin Smith in this?” Haha. I would have been scared if I saw that guy walking up in a trench coat. I would have thought he was going to flash me.

I’d have to watch the first one again to compare them. This one had plusses and minuses for me. There were several instances of close-ups on random things like her feet. I didn’t get that.

The writing is good. It exemplifies why Mike Shelton gets so many shorts produced. He writes a lot of simple single location stuff.

Congratulations, Mike.


Breanne

This is good Shelton. I enjoyed it. Did get me with the twist as well. Some of the angled shots are a little weird to me.

As Breanne mentioned really seemed like he was looking her up and down at one point. Good job getting this made.

Tried to watch the original to compare, its been removed???

James

Great job, Mike.  You have a knack for writing snappy dialogue.  

I give it two thumbs up.  

Thanks for watching all.  Glad it was enjoyable.

Quoted from jwent6688 Tried to watch the original to compare, its been removed???

I forgot the original filmmaker had switched YouTube accounts.  I updated the embedded file.