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Just Murdered by Sean Elwood & Gabriel Moronta - Dark Comedy, Slasher - All is fair in love and war. A hopeless romantic gay man resorts to bloodshed to win the coveted position of Bridesmaid. 99 pages - pdf format
It's a Zombie Sean and Mr. Ripley creation, a first time collaboration. Hopefully, it's the first of many collaborations. I wanna thank Sean for allowing me to be a part of this. It was a blast in developing this alongside him. But now, it's time to present it to the world and see what else we can work on. Like always, any feedback (positive, neutral, and even the negative) is appreciated.
What's up, Dudes? Hope you two have been well. Started reading your script. Here are some notes.
The opening 6 pages are engaging and very funny, but I'm not sure how it connects to the logline. That said, the writing is top-notch. Flows well. Snappy dialog, I got a good feel for each of the characters and they all seem distinct enough.
Seems much more like a comedy than a horror. The first death isn't even a murder, it's just an accident.
Okay, reading over the next few pages, I see where the opening ties into the logline. Really enjoyed the back and forth between Dan and Polly. I hope Polly is more than just a minor side character.
So Dan and Vivian haven't seen each other since the first grade? Kind of a stretch for Dan to assume he'd be given a bridesmaids spot. At least, IMO. (after reading further, this makes sense. Dan is a bit of a creep. "Desperate Dan" indeed. Lol)
"You know, he's the one that I joked with in school that we'd never date Tim?"
This line of dialog confused me. Did they use to joke that neither of them would ever date Tim? Or just that Dan would never date him?
Also, why is Shauna so antagonistic towards Dan?
Would the girls really be talking crap about Dan when he is just in the other room? Seems like they'd wait for him to leave before they start bashing him. However, I did enjoy Dan's reactions to their insults. Funny stuff.
Bottom of pg 17 - Vivian and Dan sit at the bar counter with drinks in front of them. -- Vivian should be Polly.
Gonna have to cut my review short here. Honestly, I'm enjoying this much more than I initially thought I would. Really funny story with some interesting characters. However, I'm a bit disappointed in the lack of horror. 17 pages in and not even a hint of horror.
Still, I'll be pushing forward and continuing this review either later tonight or tomorrow. Good stuff so far!
Sorry for the delay. All finished. Not gonna give detailed notes on the back half of the script. Don't wanna spoil any surprises.
I will say that you guys have put together a surprisingly funny slasher script. It's a really creative approach to the genre and one that I'm sure horror fans would get a real kick out of.
Once the "slasher" stuff kicks into full gear, I was all smiles. Some really awesome and fun kill sequences here.
The "twist" at the end isn't very hard to predict, but it was still satisfying to see it play out.
As for complaints... I don't have many. I'd say that the killers could use a more unique costume than just black clothes and a ski mask. That said, the biggest thing that irked me was the ending. It just... Stops.
Overall, I liked this a whole lot. It could use another draft to iron out the issues I mentioned above, but I think you guys have got a winner here. Thanks for sharing.