Thanks for reading, guys.

Quoted from Cam17 But, it was a curious decision making the characters in this high powered Hollywood people instead of just normal guys.   That does put a bit of distance between the story and the reader, IMO.  I think it might have been funnier it had just been two blue collar joes discussing the finer points of bathroom etiquette.

Initially, I wanted the story to take place at an office but I couldn't figure out which roles the characters would play and what they would talk about at the urinals. The film industry just seemed like more familiar territory. Since the execs screwing over the director is meant to be secondary to the plot, I figured it wouldn't be much of an issue anyway.

Hahah, the audience WOULD want more handheld.  Poor fools.

This was a fun little lark.  I'm afraid I don't really have much constructive criticism because I don't think there is much to criticize.  You accomplish what you set out to do.  If I saw this on TV I would probably giggle and then never think of it again.  Nothing wrong with that.

Yeah, this is pretty much a joke made into a little skit. I get the feeling that the writer is venting a little frustration here and not just toward Hollywood clichés but toward Hollywood in general. Or at least there seemed to be a little jab at the “fat cats” at the top.

I didn’t find it particularly funny, although I’ve never heard of male bathroom etiquette and in that regard I found it strangely fascinating. Not that I would ever need to know such etiquette but it’s interesting to hear about nonetheless.

Might make an interesting single thread in a larger comedy that’s focused on several different character threads. All by itself, it seems a little lacking. For what it is, I do think the punchline is fitting. As far as setting up the ending and progressing toward it, it worked well.


Breanne

Thanks for reading, guys.

Quoted from Breanne Mattson Yeah, this is pretty much a joke made into a little skit. I get the feeling that the writer is venting a little frustration here and not just toward Hollywood clichés but toward Hollywood in general. Or at least there seemed to be a little jab at the “fat cats” at the top.

Quoted from James McClung Initially, I wanted the story to take place at an office but I couldn't figure out which roles the characters would play and what they would talk about at the urinals. The film industry just seemed like more familiar territory. Since the execs screwing over the director is meant to be secondary to the plot, I figured it wouldn't be much of an issue anyway.

I usually try to avoid this kind of material. Generally, I find it cheap but then so is the script, to a degree. Heretic described it best as a lark.

Quoted from Breanne Mattson I didn’t find it particularly funny, although I’ve never heard of male bathroom etiquette and in that regard I found it strangely fascinating. Not that I would ever need to know such etiquette but it’s interesting to hear about nonetheless.

That's good enough for me!

Hey if it wasn’t for the male bathroom scene, we wouldn’t have this scene:

Hi James -

Well, I'm not sure if I'm qualified to review this one.

I've only been in a men's bathroom a handful of times in my life (and never for nefarious reasons, I might add..!)  And I really, really, really have no idea what the etiquette is regarding talking to guys while standing at a urinal.  (Though I have to admit that I'm quite jealous that 50% of the population can go outside, in emergency situations.)

That said (and having said way too much already), I did have a few tweaks/issues with this one (IMHO.)

1) I know it's a camp comedy, but the big wigs came off a *little too* cartoony for me.  Especially with the spraying foam from the jowls...  What is this guy, a British bulldog?

2) On page 2, Russell makes a comment about what urinal cakes taste like.  I'm really, seriously worried about how he would know that...

3) Do guys sometimes really kick their leg involuntarily?  Seriously - I have no idea....

4) The ending - while I like the idea - came too abruptly.  

Just my four cents, there...

Cheers!

--WV

Thanks for the read, Janet! I'm not sure by what means people dig these old ones up but it's happened quite a bit in my time.

Quoted from wonkavite Well, I'm not sure if I'm qualified to review this one. I've only been in a men's bathroom a handful of times in my life (and never for nefarious reasons, I might add..!)  And I really, really, really have no idea what the etiquette is regarding talking to guys while standing at a urinal.  (Though I have to admit that I'm quite jealous that 50% of the population can go outside, in emergency situations.)

Obviously, this is an exaggerated interpretation of etiquette but I'm not sure even the real life etiquette is at a scale where it can be lampooned so extensively. I think urinal chats at this point have just annoyed a minimal but substantial amount of guys enough to produce some good satire (mostly on the Internet). I myself just got sick of unrealistic scenes in movies (namely Adam Sandler's) where guys talk about their business than make some lame comment about the color of their pee or something as a cheap gag.

Quoted from wonkavite 1) I know it's a camp comedy, but the big wigs came off a *little too* cartoony for me.  Especially with the spraying foam from the jowls...  What is this guy, a British bulldog?

Yeah, I basically pictured a guy straight out of Animaniacs or something. A little too much, maybe.

Quoted from wonkavite 2) On page 2, Russell makes a comment about what urinal cakes taste like.  I'm really, seriously worried about how he would know that...

Just reread the line. Surprised to say, I thought it was funny even now. I can't imagine the cake would taste like anything else.

Quoted from wonkavite 3) Do guys sometimes really kick their leg involuntarily?  Seriously - I have no idea....

I've seen it done.

Quoted from wonkavite 4) The ending - while I like the idea - came too abruptly.

  

Yep. You're right.

Honestly, I kinda forgot about this one so I reread it for the first (maybe the second) time in the year or so since it got buried. I'd call it junk but I think it's too much of a lark to deserve such a harsh label. In any case, I surprisingly now take a lot more issue with lampooning the film industry than I do guys chatting at the john. I would've loved to have set this in a normal office but I know nothing about office politics.

Regardless, I think I might rewrite this one a couple times and film it. Think it might work as much as a filmmaking lark as it is a writing one.

Anyway, thanks again! I've seen a few of your scripts floating around. I'll take a look at one of them as soon as I get a chance.