Hey, Jack.

This story was a very minor sub-plot of my World Power 12-issue series.  The forest fire was raging before the WP heroes gained their powers.  It took them a few hours to get it under control.

Not really going for laughs, but I can see where some people might get that idea.

If you want bad-taste laughs, watch for my upcoming Samson and Minerva script.  It's a cross between Sapphire and Steel and Monty Python.

Richard

Just one letter off the lead singer of the Verve, you must be sick of hearing that...or not.

Anyway, this is obviously part of a series so I'm lost on the Pluto character and the whole mythology behind him and his world.

PLUTO
The shade is correct. I must
send him to the other realm.

-- What does he mean by "shade" I've heard of the cops being referred to as "shades" but never firemen. Is it a blanket terms for all public service employees?

As far as the story goes, it’s an interesting beginner to something more but that's about it. This is not a self contained story so it’s hard to comment overall on what you've done.

In terms of the writing, I think it could do with a lot of tightening; some awkward phrasing in the prose where some slight rewording would make all the difference.

Take the first three block of description on page 1 as an example.

"It is a small medical clinic set up somewhere within the Rocky Mountains."

-- A cool visual you have here that's not done justice by how it’s written. This could be re-written as "A small medical clinic set up somewhere within the Rocky Mountains". The "It is" is completely unnecessary.

"The air is a bit smoky. Far off in the background we see a large forest fire burning on a hill."

-- Again, cool image ruined by poor phrasing, maybe rewrite as "Smoke chokes the air while on a hill in the background, a forest fire blazes" or something like that. The same information is being conveyed, it’s just more readable this way, in my opinion.

"Suddenly there is a downpour from the clouds in the sky. It does not hit the clinic, but it rains on the forest fire."

-- Another striking visual let down by stuttered and disjointed writing, thus it doesn't read well. Firstly, there’s no reason to tell us that rain comes "from the clouds in the sky" you know, that's pointless and, in a way, insulting to the reader. How about" "Suddenly, it begins to rain heavily over the forest fire avoiding the clinic" or something to that effect, there’s no one right way to write a sentence but what you've got could definitely do with being changed.

PLUTO (CONT’D)
You shall find the courage.
Farewell, Matthew Bowman.

MATT (V.O.)
Hilda. Goodbyyyyyyyy.

HILDA
Matt! NOOOOOOO!

HILDA (CONT’D)
Damn you! All I wanted was a
few more minutes with him!

The dialogue in places (like above) is rather melodramatic and overwrought but having said that, given the superhero/comic book context it goes hand in hand with this type of story and the characters who inhabit it.

I liked the ending, a strong climax to finish things but as I said, I've been dropped into this story with no frame of reference, no basis or back-story so it’s hard to sum up what I feel about the script or where you should take it from here.

Best of luck

Col.

Shades is another term for souls or spirits.  In Pluto's underworld realm of Hades, it is described as a dim place with transparent ghosts.  Hence the term shade.

Yeah, the story is a bit melodramatic, but that's to be expected in a superhero story.  A writer can't waste too much time exploring a character's feelings when each panel is a precious piece showing the passage of time.

I went for a shock ending ala Geoff Johns.  Since Pluto's role was very limited in the forest fire, I decided to make his good deed into a turn for the worse.  It's also a variation of all roads to hell are paved with good intentions.

I see, yeah I'm not really in a position to comment since I'm not familiar with the realm, that's why I mainly focused on the technical stuff. I understand what you wre saying about the melodrama and character stuff.

Keep at it.

Col.