Astralily by Clara Hawkins - Short, Action, Adventure - When a mysterious runaway is blamed for opening dangerous portals, bunch of magical girls must adventure through bizarre dimensions to clear her name and seal the rifts before they destabilize those dimensions. 39 pages - pdf format

New writer interested in feedback on this work, please be nice

Nice, my story is finally seen there
(Clara Hawkins is me)

Hi Clara, welcome to SS.
Some tips for you:

You need to write a screenplay using specific software.
You can download one of these freebies (below). I suggest Trelby or Writer Duet.
https://www.scriptreaderpro.com/free-screenwriting-software/

This will make your job easier re formatting.

I notice ReadMe is an offshoot of Writer Duet but you need to format your screenplay correctly prior to uploading to that site. It keeps the original formatting from what I read. But you need proper software first.

How to format a Montage:
https://screenwriting.io/how-do-you-format-a-montage-in-a-screenplay/

There are various ways to write Montages, they can be numbered or abc etc. Just make sure you End Montage or Back to Scene.

Avoid Camera directions like Match Cut To especially when it isn't in fact a Match Cut.
Avoid Cut To etc.

A match cut is a transition that implies a relationship between the two scenes. The action of the two scenes smoothly meets up, for example, a child in one scene throws a frisbee, and the next scene shows a newspaper being thrown onto someone's porch.

Parentheticals (wrylies) need to be lower case:

                         (in a quiet voice)
You do not need
                         (asking)
When a character asks a question.

You have some sections of description in All Caps - not necessary.
If you Fade to Black, you need to Fade back in.

Write strictly in present tense for screenplays.
Only to realise that she wasn't wearing...
Should read: Only to look down and realise she isn't wearing...

Her and Angie were... Should read
She and Angie are...

Go through your script and be particularly attentive to where your sentences do not have full-stops. Pay attention to other typos as well.

Hone up on articles and prepositions: You are missing a lot of your linking words in dialogue and description.

Article example:
She takes the pillow from the bed.

https://english.olympiadsuccess.com/class-10-articles-and-prepositions

I have to say the writing in Episode Two is far superior to Episode One. Perhaps you proofread it more?

Anyway, I hope you take these notes in the spirit intended.
Your writing needs work but there's a lovely story here so I hope you get cracking on downloading some proper screenwriting software, proofread, and upload another draft.

And read and comment on scripts here. You can learn a lot.

Thanks for advices! Btw, i will say this, i also interested in your opinion about story? Cuz even though I glad to receive help with formatting, I want to know if anyone are actually interested in story im writing

Also, for future, i know about grammatical issues, if other people gonna give me feedback, you don't need to point this, I know what problem is with this

Quoted from flower_heart Thanks for advices! Btw, i will say this, i also interested in your opinion about story? Cuz even though I glad to receive help with formatting, I want to know if anyone are actually interested in story im writing

Clara, don't underestimate what correcting the grammatical and punctuation errors will do for your script. If you know they're an inherent problem and you want to be a serious screenwriter you'll make this a priority. It does affect the enjoyment someone will get from reading your work, and the ability to effortlessly follow your story. I notice from the 'Readme' draft you have 'correction bubbles' where other people have noted errors and made  suggestions for fixes, but those corrections were not made before uploading here. Take all the advice you get and follow through on making your work look as professional as possible.

There are some lovely sentiments expressed, and imagery evoked in your script. You should definitely write another draft.

Here thing, i write mostly on my phone, and then correct on my laptop, but unfortunately my laptop scripts can't get back on my phone on some reason, so when i solve those technical issues, i can show you edited draft, and plus as I said, feedback on grammatical issues is not something im looking for rn, im asking on everything else, but preferably on story than formatting

Also, I don't plan to be professional screenwriter or something, but i write screenplay because it's a best way to tell story from my head

Good for you, Clara. Keep writing!

Thanks! So yeah, what im interested most in is story feedback

I've read the story, but before I provide feedback I will ask a favor from you Clara. I need you to edit your story so it's in perfect reading condition. As LC pointed out. When you ask people to read your work, try to put yourself in the perspective of the reader. They're investing their time into reading your story. Respect their time and make your work SHINE!

Keep going at it!

Im working on it, don't worry