SPOILERS Steven, I started reading this and I thought, this is terrific. All right, Benjamin Janisse. First memory stop is walking in on your parents having sex when you were six. This is his first bad deed? Hardly a sin. I have to suspect you're going for a comedic element here but it didn't land for me. BEN But, what did I do? I thought I was a pretty good person? I wasn’t a saint, but I didn’t think I was a terrible person.You had me in the palm of your hand with this line. Your premise is terrific, your character and situation pulls at the heart strings... I want to know how he ended up here - clearly some bureaucratic error ... But I felt ripped off. Genre is comedy? Even if Black comedy - This reads to me as if Act 3 is yet to come. As is, honestly, I just feel it's an incomplete story and too grim. Great setup though. |