SimplyScripts Discussion Board
Blog Home - Produced Movie Script Library - TV Scripts - Unproduced Scripts - Contact - Site Map
Welcome, Guest.
It is May 24th, 2019, 7:19pm
Please login or register.
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login
If you wish to join this discussion board, please send me a message. Please do read the guidelines that govern behavior on the discussion board. It will make for a much more pleasant experience for everyone. A word about SimplyScripts and Censorship

Scripts Studios are posting for award consideration
The Writers' Tournament is back...

The Beginners Guide to the SimplyScripts Discussion Board (WIP)

Yes, I am running script reviews, again...

Short Script of the Day | Featured Script of the Month | Featured Short Scripts Available for Production | Submit Your Script

How do I get my film's link and banner here?
All screenplays on the and domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
Forum Login
Username: Create a new Account
Password:     Forgot Password

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Drama Scripts  ›  Chauffeur Driven
Users Browsing Forum
No Members and 2 Guests

 Pages: 1
Recommend Print
  Author    Chauffeur Driven  (currently 160 views)
Posted: July 29th, 2018, 2:36pm Report to Moderator

So, what are you writing?

Posts Per Day
Chauffeur Driven by Simon Parker - Short, Drama - A spoilt rich kid is left abandoned in the middle of nowhere by his Chauffeur. But it's only now that he comes to understand life. 5 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Visit for what is new on the site.

You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky
Site Private Message
Posted: August 9th, 2018, 6:34pm Report to Moderator

Posts Per Day

Some issues I saw immediately. You spelled spoiled wrong in your log as “spoilt”. Later I caught you writing “been” instead of being, also “tyre” instead of tire. I’m guessing english may not be your first language?

In The first scene, the slug says a taxi, but the the first action line says “A luxury car.” Also the main character has a driver, so I’m assuming you forgot to update your slug lines?

UPDATE: You say the kid is in a luxury taxi, I’m not hip to this, what’s a luxury taxi? If the kid is rich, why’s he even in a taxi? He’s rich.

The driver just drives. The first scene makes it seem like the kid is gonna get dropped off at school. The very next scene, you say “the return journey.” This came off as kind of lazy. Suggestion, why not just have the scene just be the driver bringing the kid home from school?

This needs to be cleaned up, the story is there, but it needs to be cleaned up. 

Good luck to you.

Revision History (1 edits)
EscapeVelocity13  -  August 15th, 2018, 11:42pm
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 1 - 1
 Pages: 1
Recommend Print

Locked Board Board Index    Short Drama Scripts  [ previous | next ] Switch to:
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login

Forum Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post polls
You may not post attachments
HTML is on
Blah Code is on
Smilies are on

Powered by E-Blah Platinum 9.71B © 2001-2006