The Conversion by AJ Lovell - Short, Drama - A mans life will never be thame same again after undergoing torturous conversion therepy to "Cure" him of his homosexuality. 28 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

As your interested in feedback I have given this a read.

Eye Opener.

Firstly, I must say you have opened my eyes to conversion therapy. I've heard of it, but never really looked into it to realize that people use it to rid them of their sexuality. How sad.

Obviously in today's world the scenario you've played out could never be allowed to happen.
My son's teacher at junior school was gay and every parent and teacher knew that. That knowledge was never used as a weapon to rid the school of this man.  (Maybe people should undergo conversion therapy to rid their ignorance when it comes to these matters).

Len has the gay gene and this is what is difficult. He cannot change simply because society says so.

As for the way you tell it:

I like your style of writing. You get to the point of what you are attempting to put across, however you have too many typos which I would usually ignore, except that there are just too many which interfere with the flow. You should inspect a document before putting it out there, otherwise it makes the reader feel like you don't care.

I won't list them as I don't have time.

I enjoyed the story though and I suppose that's the ultimate factor.

This didn't happen in todays world Buuut, it's still not banned in the UK. This is based on a true story, obviously I've added and embelished.

You make it soind like this was written as a homophobe.

I'll go back and have a look for the typo's so thanks for leating me know.

See Here: https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/education-55263392

I've seen Boy Erased but not The Miseducation of Cameron Post which is supposed to be even better but didn't have as many big names attached. And of course Clockwork Orange is famous for its aversion therapy scenes. That stuff never works and is archaic and damaging.

This is a well thought out story centred around a subject that still needs publicity. Highlighting the practice can only help to get this outlawed, so I hope you get this filmed.

I do suggest, for ease of playing to festivals (if you get lucky and get it Optioned) that you edit it down a bit.
I had hoped the storyline was going to follow Len's experience and him being able to pass on his knowledge to Paul, so that what happened to him won't happen to Paul - but that didn't happen. It would be a powerful story to highlight that things haven't changed in a lot of places and haven't been passed into law.

Technically I think it would read better if you set out the timelines clearer with Supers denoting timelines. Len as a younger man. The 50 years earlier Super is clear but I think it'd be more effective if you use actual years for the timelines. Older Len & Eve is obvious too by their greying hair etc., but it all could be made clearer. I had no idea how much time had passed in the final scene.

I don't know if I posted this for you before, but here it is again.

https://www.quickanddirtytips.com/articles/lay-versus-lie/
More kicks are aimed at Len as he lay in the fetal position
covering his head.
See how using the word 'lay' in this instance changes the tense of the sentence completely.

Tons of typos as has been pointed out.
Troff trough, psycologist/psychologist, missing apostrophes - as in character's names, doctor's hand, Len's hand, immidiatley/immediately - to name a few.

Offset address with a comma - e.g. Hello, Ladies.
Use lower case for parentheticals. (interrupting)
Suggest you take out Character CONT'Ds.
Take out gaps in formatting - as on p.25

Clean up the typos and and maybe think about your denouement which for me ended with more of a whimper rather than packing a whallop

P.S Here in Australia I know the ACT and Queensland outlawed the practice and it was scheduled for NSW at the end of this year - did it go through? I don't know.

So sad and ironic that Turing now has a street named after him in the UK... and a building, and an award, a statue, a memorial etc. With all that they did to him.

Good luck with this!

Thanks for the read and feedback LC. Maybe I shhould start using a spellchecker. I never do and I'm usually pretty good with spelling. Must have been having a bad day

Thanks to Shakespear On Toast and LC for the read and feedback. I use Celtx and didn't even realise it had a spellchecker. ANyway I've cleaned up the spelling. The MAN (CONT'D) was added by Celtx. I think it's because there is "Action" then same person speaking.

Anyway, thanks again and I'll be re-submitting

Quoted from Stoneyscripts however you have too many typos which I would usually ignore, except that there are just too many which interfere with the flow.

I went through the script and you were being polite saying typos, there were a lot of out and out spelling mistakes. Thanks again