Jeff is a stickler for the technical stuff. We all know this. Most of us also know that not many people in the industry other than script gurus care. Story is king. Like Robert McKee said, everyone is looking for a great story. I believe that 100%.

I optioned The Hit in January. It's on imdbPro now. They read the vomit draft! Worts and all. They didn't care. They liked the general story, optioned it and asked for two rewrites and the last draft was pretty great, IMO.

I love Jeff and and consider him a good friend, but he does get stuck on the technical stuff a lot of the times. The technical "rules" have changed a lot over the years. Story and character is really what matters. For those who read a lot of pro scripts this is very obvious.

Don't stop posting scripts here. The comments are free, even if we don't always like them.

Yeah, the comments are free, but I have enough peers with varying degrees of success that I can go to for free feedback, many who I've met on this site. I'm just tired of the Screenwriting for Beginners bullshit. It doesn't put me in a positive place and kinda makes me feel like I've become complacent a bit with where I'm at in my career.

Wow...really?

Sorry about sharing my thoughts on your work, Michael.  You did put a whole hour into it, so I must be way off base on my feedback.

I should have just said what many do - Great work!  Solid effort!

Unbelievable, bro...simply unbelievable.

Hi Michael,

I liked this, I could tell from the writing you were trying to build atmosphere and suspense. To be honest I didnt realise it was you who wrote it. I sent you a message about watching suicide theory..and liking it.....yadda yadda...so of course I went through with a fine tooth comb, because finally I have some time to do a thorough critque...but from reading your frustrations about technical comments etc, I have actually learnt something. Ive learnt that at the end of the day if it is a great story, makes sense, flows well, is written well, a producer or director likes it and wants to produce it then its fine. I have been listening to as much scriptwriting advice and lessons as I can on utube and podcasts, and trying to get a feel for whats needed. And ive learnt that good writing and fantastic story and/or characters is the key....and im still learning....and learning... plus I read produced scripts and each one is different with its layout, so how the hell do I learn how to write 'techiqically correct' when the rules keep changing.As long as the basics are applied and it reads easily and quickly, then what the hell....

I gathered the characters werent the main focus, I was even going to comment about why do we need to know that she has white skin and a ballarina body lol..... I could see from what you were doing that the creepy man was the focus and you pulled that off well.  

I didnt have an issue with the o'rouke scene. I actually liked it. It gave me more info about the creepy man.... I got the feeling that he was supernatural but obviously killable... if I didnt have that info I would have been wondering more about who the hell this guy was and it would have felt generic to me... just some freaky thing at the door... knowing what hes capable of enriched his character.

I agree with others about her opening the door, and the cops mentioning eveything is fine in the neighbourhood...
I was satisfied with the ending and liked that she becomes a crazed laughing creepy person like him.... I did wonder if maybe he was possessed by a crazy demon and now she was.......

This would be a good piece for a producer/director who likes atmospheric,, horror driven shorts....

Anyways, you are definately on the right track, you know people in the industry and you have a produced feature film.... you are set, just keep pumping them out......

look forward to the next one..

Oh P.S.... Carol Anne....If you dont answer your parents your going to get a real spanking from both of us....
One of my favourite movies

I wasn't a fan of this one, seemed long with very little substance.

There was some great tension built throughout but as a whole I think it fell flat.

The twist feels less like a twist and more like an extension of the story.

I think you went overboard with the ellipses, not from a technical standpoint but form a , they annoyed the hell out of me and slowed the read standpoint.

I'm just an amateur who doesn't have a feature on Netflix or producers reading my work all the time, or successful friends to read my work, like 99% of SS users, so what do I know.

I feel there are some generally insulting comments to all the writers on here.

Good luck with it.

Hey Warren,

Thanks for the read. Not insulted at all by your comments as it pertained to story, characters, etc. As for the ellipses, I use them to draw out certain moments but it's possible I went overboard. I get insulted when I'm being told something isn't correct in terms of basic formatting shit, when it is. But because I'm not doing it in a way that another writer was taught, they see it as wrong. Which is ridiculous. As far as the characters, yeah, they're thin and could use work. This may be the least clever thing I've ever written. But sure enough, it got picked up... I've written shorts that have placed high in competitions, were more complete and clever and I struggle to get those made, which bothers me. Whatever, screenwriting is a shitty business as it is. To say I'm far off with my formatting is just off base IMO. And insulting. Which is why I will not post any more work on amateur writing discussion boards. I have enough people I can go to for honest feedback without having to sift through comments about formatting. And yeah, a lot of writers on here have complained about people commenting on their formatting. But really, if you've read my shit, you'd know my formatting isn't that of a novice.

Jeff,

You gave your opinion of the story. Which is fine. You didn't like it. I get it. But to give me a Screenwriting 101 lesson on formatting as if I just bought some screenwriting software and started typing some shit up aimlessly, with no regard for any basic screenwriting rules... it's just insulting. Especially when you pass it off as fact. I have no problem with an opinion. But stating something as fact is not an opinion. Formatting is important, not trying to say it isn't. But I'm not making up my own rules as I go along. And I'm not saying the way you format a screenplay is wrong. I'm saying that telling me I'm wrong and stating that as fact, is wrong. I'm not a screenwriting guru by any means... for Christ sake, I just wrote a short script with absolutely no character development. But to say that I'm so far off base with my formatting is ridiculous. And yes, insulting. It's like if I were to take a test (work related or maybe as part of a college course) and passed... but was given an "F" because the teacher said I didn't hold my No. 2 pencil correctly, like they teach you in kindergarten. Again, giving your opinion is one thing. I don't mind that. Even with the structure of some of my sentences (writing can always be polished) like you said. That's fine. The generic scene heading, HOUSE IN THE WOODS... that's also fine. But to tell me that scene headings need a dash and not backslashes and shit of that nature... it's very insulting. That's something you tell a beginner. That's like telling a grown man who smokes cigarettes, "You know, smoking can cause cancer, right?" It's FUCKING ANNOYING.

And no, I'm not anywhere close to where I would love to be career-wise, but I didn't start writing yesterday. And to pass off your "opinion" as gospel is harmful to other writers who don't know any better. Then they go around, telling everyone else they're wrong... it's just an endless cycle. There is a proper way to format a screenplay, yes. But I'm not some fucking renegade/rebel screenwriter giving my middle finger to the rules. I properly format my shit.

You can tell my story and my characters to go fuck themselves for all I care. Whatever. But to tell me, that when it comes to basic shit, that I don't know what I'm doing, it feels like an insult.

An interesting piece of work here, Michael. It bothers me some that I don't understand why the events are happening, but it may be your intention not to reveal certain information and I can respect that.
Have you considered telling more of this story from Carrie Anne's POV?

I'm in the minority, bit I say don't lose that O'Rourke scene. Just make it work for you.

I'd like to see you turn 'false scares' into real scares.
I’m referring to —   a shadow at the bedroom door; oh, it’s just Carrie Anne. But if you’re going to do this, then take it to the next step.
Minutes later, Carrie Anne is in bed with Mom, when another shadow appears at the door. But it's not the Cackler. What if it is exactly what Susan suspected in this version: one of the damn O'Rourke boys.

Could be interesting.
Have some fun as this kid is scaring the shit out of Susan and CA. Once Susan figures out its this kid, he can hightail it out of the house. Back to the O'Rourke home.

This gives you a way to organically incorporate that home-invasion murder scene.
What if the Cackler is still at the O'Rourke home? You have just sent this mischievous little brat home to a danger, with the killer still there.

Can you envision Susan calling the O'Rourkes to complain about their son. This is where we might scene the destruction. And then the Cackler answers the phone. And listens...
You get what I'm going for. Using elements that you have already introduced to create more suspense and terror.

I have this theory that good writers leave nuggets of wisdom (brilliance?) in their scripts. Sometimes without realizing it.  Maybe it's instinctive.  I think the O'Rourke kid/home murder is that nugget.
Such a scene would mean Susan unwittingly directs the monster to her home.  I like mechanisms which sends a protag to the story's real horror. Think Hitchcock's Psycho:   Marion Crane on the lam after stealing bank money. there is a lot of suspense in a woman who makes one wrong move, and compounds that by pulling into the Bates Motel. Plunges into the real nightmare.
I don't know. What do you think?

The ending left me a little baffled.  Does good really triumph over evil? When Susan goes a bit crazy, I got the impression that she then becomes the monster. Maybe just the way I read it.  Was there a transference of evil? Not a bad idea, since the Cackler operates without a strong sense of logic.  It could be pure Evil run amok.

Another thought, what if you end with the daughter cackling? Maybe the Evil enters a new host. I can see a final scene with a bloody Susan freezing when she hears her daughter cackling, and the frame stays on mom's horrified expression.

Regardless, I had fun with this short. It does feel a little hollow, but that's what rewrites are for. Good luck.

I might be in the minority, but say keep the O’Rourke scene. But seque organically into that scene so it builds on the suspense, while propelling the story.

I had a feeling it'd get picked up.

Scary stuff sells. It's a fact.

On ya, Michael.

Quoted from spesh2k Jeff, You gave your opinion of the story. Which is fine. You didn't like it. I get it. But to give me a Screenwriting 101 lesson on formatting as if I just bought some screenwriting software and started typing some shit up aimlessly, with no regard for any basic screenwriting rules... it's just insulting. Especially when you pass it off as fact. I have no problem with an opinion. But stating something as fact is not an opinion. Formatting is important, not trying to say it isn't. But I'm not making up my own rules as I go along. And I'm not saying the way you format a screenplay is wrong. I'm saying that telling me I'm wrong and stating that as fact, is wrong. I'm not a screenwriting guru by any means... for Christ sake, I just wrote a short script with absolutely no character development. But to say that I'm so far off base with my formatting is ridiculous. And yes, insulting. It's like if I were to take a test (work related or maybe as part of a college course) and passed... but was given an "F" because the teacher said I didn't hold my No. 2 pencil correctly, like they teach you in kindergarten. Again, giving your opinion is one thing. I don't mind that. Even with the structure of some of my sentences (writing can always be polished) like you said. That's fine. The generic scene heading, HOUSE IN THE WOODS... that's also fine. But to tell me that scene headings need a dash and not backslashes and shit of that nature... it's very insulting. That's something you tell a beginner. That's like telling a grown man who smokes cigarettes, "You know, smoking can cause cancer, right?" It's FUCKING ANNOYING. And no, I'm not anywhere close to where I would love to be career-wise, but I didn't start writing yesterday. And to pass off your "opinion" as gospel is harmful to other writers who don't know any better. Then they go around, telling everyone else they're wrong... it's just an endless cycle. There is a proper way to format a screenplay, yes. But I'm not some fucking renegade/rebel screenwriter giving my middle finger to the rules. I properly format my shit. You can tell my story and my characters to go fuck themselves for all I care. Whatever. But to tell me, that when it comes to basic shit, that I don't know what I'm doing, it feels like an insult.

Sorry, didn't see this rant until just now...so I'll respond.

I completely disagree with what you're saying here, and if necessary, could go line by line and explain exactly why.  But that's not a good way to spend my Monday morning.

But, I will say a a few things...

I've reread my post and don't see anywhere where I spoke as if my word was gospel or fact.  If something is incorrect, it's incorrect and that's all there is to it.

Secondly, it's kind of funny that you say I'm preaching down to you on Screenwriting 101 formatting issues, as they're obviously much higher than the 101 course, and you don't seem to even understand why what you have here is so riddled with errors.

You saying it's fine to use a "/" as opposed to a "-" in a Slug is ludicrous.  Slashes are used, but not in the way you're using them here.  As I said earlier, a Slash refers to either or, or both, which do show up in Slugs.  INT/EXT, LIVING ROOM /DINING ROOM, KITCHEN/DINETTE.  You can't agree you made a mistake on this?

Peeps get away with all sorts of blatant mistakes and downright horrendous writing, but that's really because the peeps reading the shit don't know any better, which is the same reason peeps make the mistake in the first place - they don't know any better.

I'm just trying to enlighten you a bit, bro.  It can't hurt your writing, and really can only help.  The only thing it can and seems to have hurt is your ego, and I'm sorry about that.

Hey Michael.

Loved the title, which is what made me read this.

There's a great atmosphere to this piece, very claustrophobic.

I wasn't sure about the phone call from Susan to the O'Rouke's, especially at such a late hour.  I did like the O'Rouke scene though.

I quite liked the end but I did think Susan was going to succumb to the hands of the laughing man, and so was about suggest ending the story when his shadow was behind the door, leaving his actions to our imagination, but of course that's not how it played out. Susan laughing was a strong image to end on though.

Overall, I enjoyed this and didn't have any major concerns either with the story, or the format

From Jeff Easley, who has directed Like a Moth to the Flame, Writer's Block and Coffee Maker from Hell


Hi Don!

Just letting you know, I've filmed Michael J. Kospiah's script "Cackle". I'm in post now and should have it uploaded soon.

Jeff Easley

http://www.imdb.com/name/nm6599850/
https://vimeo.com/jeffeasley

Michael,

Congratulations.

That was awesome.

All the best,
Marty

I feel the same way about the film as I did the script, not for me.

What on earth is it actually about? It really has no context.

It looks great but that's where it ends for me.

Also, talk about butchering a script. This is barely a skeleton of the original work.