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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Horror  ›  Catch
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  Author    Catch  (currently 409 views)
Don
Posted: March 27th, 2022, 11:58am Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Catch by Rob Herzog - Short, Horror - David regrets playing catch with his dead father.  6 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work



Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.

-------------
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky
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eldave1
Posted: March 27th, 2022, 2:44pm Report to Moderator
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I enjoyed this.


My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
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Rob
Posted: March 29th, 2022, 4:30pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from eldave1
I enjoyed this.


Thank you for reading.

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ColinS
Posted: March 30th, 2022, 7:23am Report to Moderator
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Keep Believing!

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That was an intriguing read - Loved the writing.

I was left thinking maybe it was never his dad, maybe the evil force (demonic) that got his dad to do those bad thing in the first place.

In any case, interesting stuff -  Good work.


"Some Day I'll Be Saturday Night..."
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Kirsten
Posted: April 4th, 2022, 4:58am Report to Moderator
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Giving up is not an option....

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Hey Rob,

Spoliers..

At first I was thinking it doesn't seem legit that he would get up and do that sober. I felt like it needed just a touch more backstory i.e he's been heavily drinking that night so is still drunk. OR that he is sleep walking, then he wakes up after a few catches and is like is this real? am I really playing catch with you?
Yes I am... wow,,,.

Great twist with the with the baseball action. He's in danger now, realizing mom was right and dad was everything they said he was. I like that he is seeing his mum  - meaning he's about to die.

Nice job, it's original and well written...




"Turn that off, our friend has just been killed in a fatal sunlight accident!"....

'What we do in the Shadows.'
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Yuvraj
Posted: May 19th, 2022, 4:40am Report to Moderator
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Hi Rob,

The story was somewhat offbeat (to me at least) so it took me a while to fully grasp it.

An unexpected ending for sure, however, I felt unsatisfied after reading it. Maybe I didn't get it. Idk.

Anyways, good luck.


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Kb679
Posted: August 9th, 2023, 7:50pm Report to Moderator
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Good twist at the end.  Exposition on pages 3 and 4 though why not just show David playing high school baseball in a scene instead of telling us?
   Also I would have liked to have learned why the Dad left  the family  and how did he die?  
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