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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Romantic Comedy Scripts  ›  One Man's Trash
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  Author    One Man's Trash  (currently 274 views)
Don
Posted: July 16th, 2017, 12:06pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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One Man's Trash by Rene Claveau - Short, Romance - When a lonely man wins a storage locker at an auction, he finds more than he bargained for inside. 8 pages - pdf, format

Writer interested in feedback on this work



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StevenClark
Posted: July 18th, 2017, 9:08pm Report to Moderator
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Nice short, Rene. Not everything needs a surprising twist to have an impact. Good job. Sorry I don't have much more to say. It's just that this hit the right buttons, and was an enjoyably quick read.

Steve


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ReneC
Posted: July 19th, 2017, 12:25am Report to Moderator
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Thanks for reading! I'm glad you enjoyed it. It's not my usual thing and I'm really happy with how it turned out.


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Simon
Posted: September 1st, 2017, 5:27am Report to Moderator
Purple


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Your characters are very likeable, and the relationship between Sue and James develops well. If you removed the gay porn references, you could expand your audience, and write something for the whole family. I'm not sure the porn added anything to your script. Your title page could do with a space underneath 'by'. I have no idea why, but I've seen the same mistake from a few people. At least I think it's a mistake...


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ReneC
Posted: September 1st, 2017, 1:47pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Simon
Your characters are very likeable, and the relationship between Sue and James develops well. If you removed the gay porn references, you could expand your audience, and write something for the whole family. I'm not sure the porn added anything to your script.


I agree, it was a fun thing to throw in there but not necessary and it sticks out. Thanks for the feedback!


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