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To Be A Dog by Rimgaudas Kiliulis - Short, Sci Fi Fantasy - Hooked on the idea of visualizing dog smells from brain implants, a programmer starts to see smells when he stops treating his dog as a test subject. 21 pages
contest: Fantastic Planet Film Festival's 2015 short screenplay competition finalist - pdf, format
Just a few opinions, observations and suggestions for you.
I would lose to logline and synopsis. It is unnecessary in a screenplay.
Watch your sluglines. Example: EXT. ALIEN WORLD - MORNING. -Would be just fine as, EXT. ALIEN WORLD - MORNING -I wouldn't use the following, EXT. ALIEN WORLD - MORNING. DOG’S POV. -I would use the DOG'S POV in the action line. The DOG'S POV is telling us our vision, what eyes we are looking through, not our location.
Don't reference things like this, The sight is reminiscent of an impressionist painting:http://www.theartstory.org/images20/works/i mpressionism_2.jpg?1 -If someone prints out your screenplay, how can they open the hyperlink? You describe the painting. Nothing else is necessary unless it is a painting like the Mona Lisa that everyone would likely know.
Parenthetical use. -You use them a lot to describe action. I would recommend trying to write some of them as action lines instead. Example: CLERK (sits) I already know from your project. -Could easily be written as, The clerk sits. CLERK I already know your project.
Best of luck with your current and future projects.
In addition to Marty's comments....You need to learn the basics.
Here is your opening:
EXT. NYC CENTRAL PARK - MORNING.
Dogs and their owns run by in the park.
Bryan (45) has an eagle nose with a moustache and is wearing a large old-fashioned suit. He pulls a poodle’s leash closer to the bench. The poodle plants its feet down on the ground trying to resist but gets pulled over by force.
Your first sentence is clumsy (what does "run by in" mean.
DOGS and OWNERS should be capped.
Description of the scene is entirely lacking.
Characters should be capped when first intro'd. i.e., BRYAN.
mustaches is misspelled.
POODLE should be capped when it comes into view.
So, that's just the opening. You need to do a bit of research on script format and the like.
Thanks Eldave1, you are right, I lost Capps during rewriting...
Marty, Regarding POV. I probably did not explain correctly. The example is the Predator movie with Hunter (Predator) POV marked in the scene heading. A first, unknown Altered POV changes to an Observer's POV EXT. ALTERED P.O.V. - DAY EXT. OBSERVER'S P.O.V. - DAY Later it becomes clear it is the Hunter's POV: EXT. HUNTER'S P.O.V. - DAY EXT. HUNTER'S P.O.V. OF SCHAEFER - DAY EXT. HUNTER'S P.O.V. - JUNGLE - NIGHT See: http://www.dailyscript.com/scripts/hunter.html
Is it a big mistake if I mark POV at the end of Scene heading instead of beginning? EXT. ISTANBUL STREET - DAY. DOG’S POV.