Blizzards and buzzards don't mix. That and the deer, and the crash do not make this a low budget film. Though, the story could be transferred to any setting. The painstaking descriptions were appreciated but wore on the nerves. I thought the woman would be an abuser and the cabbie was in danger. Not too far off. The early tear was a bit of melodrama. Definitely trapped in the taxi. The ending was a bit cliche with the newspaper article. Not bad sir, not bad.

Last script for me. Better be good.

No time of day on INT. TAXI?

Ha ha! Fuck political correctness.

You should have introduced us to EDIE instead of being vague. Being mysterious and hiding details from the reader is one thing, but even in that case CAP some kind of name we can give him/her/them/it. Which I don't feel is needed here; there's nothing to hide.

"A pregnant pause, [...]" Huh?? You could have told us earlier she was pregnant; all part of introducing a character. Any vital info or factoid we (might) need to know (or to get to know the character) goes in the character introduction. Things like their name, age, physical features (pregnant), are they pretty, do they curse a lot, etc. Character intros are the one and only place in a screenplay where one or two unfilmables are okay, so long as they get us inside their head. Beware, some writers hate it.

Nice subtext when Edie snorts. Atheist? Agnostic?

You spelled out "Missus." Good job.  

Paul Newman actually said this! Wow!

"None of my business[,] I know[,] [...] tie the knot[,]"

"Emotional time[,] you know."

Quoted Text Outside[,] the sleet has turned turns to snow,

"Offer’s [w]here you want it." I think???

"[...] near distance[,]"

"Sleet [turns] to snow,"

Replace INT. TAXI - RAVINE with a time of day.

"CD player[,] which[...]"

It's Santa Claus. "Clause" is the Tim Allen movie. Should also be in quotes. Also note that this song is copyrighted, and paying for a popular version might go beyond your budget. Then again, fake snow might blow your budget, unless you use real snow.

Not sure "Keep calm" is needed.

"Out of me way." Is that intentional, such as a British/Irish/pirate accent? Chief O'Hara? Lucky Charms Leprechaun?

Quoted Text EDIE Oh God, what are we going to do? I can’t move. You can’t move. And look -

We can see that.

"Two-way" should be consistent; hyphen or no hyphen, make up your mind.

I'm gonna stop quoting typos. There's just so many of them; don't worry, I've seen worse in this OWC. A lot worse.

"Casualty" is an orphan.

Had to Google "Toddy."

Sylvia Plath is lost on me. Is this the poem you're talking about?

Passive voice.

"Mirror" is an orphan.

Great twist at the end.

The story makes up for any typos or shortcomings.

Recommend. A-

Whew. I'm done. And luckily, I ended on a high note.

LC,

Yes, I'm aware Janet likes this for STS. It was one of her faves. And as you know, I liked this one a lot except for the newspaper headline reveal at the end. I think someone might have mentioned two cops at the scene perhaps talking about the case. I think that'd work. Dave L. Did a similar reveal on his, with a news report on the radio. I think that worked well too.

This had a really cool vibe to it. I loved the dialogue of the driver, could totally picture him. And I loved the deer as well. This was a good one and I gave it a consider. Nice writing, and never would have pegged you for this...

Steve

Before it's old news, I just want to thank everyone who chimed in on this one, and liked it! Best OWC for me so far. Still no mug, but getting closer.  

I could say more but I don't want to bore you all...

Other than to say, Chris: a 'pregnant pause' does not mean a woman is pregnant. It's use is as a loaded pause commonly comedic, but also for dramatic purposes. And Sylvia Plath had a tragic demise.

Btw, Chris, I made a comment, as did Dustin, in the general OWC thread, that your reviews are really appreciated. You give criticism, constructive suggestions, and score generously across the board. Positive encouragement to writers of OWC's when they can be a bit nerve wracking. On ya.

.........

Finally, this is being rewritten, minus the newspaper headline.

P.S. Steve, not sure if never would have pegged you as having written this is a compliment or not, but I'll take it.

It was meant as a good thing. There's only a couple writers I can peg, and that's usually because they have idiosyncrasies or styles I don't like. But this didn't read like an Aussie wrote it. Your driver's dialogue came off very American to me. As a whole, I don't think I've read anything like this from you before.

Quoted from LC Before it's old news, I just want to thank everyone who chimed in on this one, and liked it! Best OWC for me so far. Still no mug, but getting closer.   I could say more but I don't want to bore you all... Other than to say, Chris: a 'pregnant pause' does not mean a woman is pregnant. It's use is as a loaded pause commonly comedic, but also for dramatic purposes. And Sylvia Plath had a tragic demise. Btw, Chris, I made a comment, as did Dustin, in the general OWC thread, that your reviews are really appreciated. You give criticism, constructive suggestions, and score generously across the board. Positive encouragement to writers of OWC's when they can be a bit nerve wracking. On ya. ......... Finally, this is being rewritten, minus the newspaper headline. P.S. Steve, not sure if never would have pegged you as having written this is a compliment or not, but I'll take it.

Wow, now, that's a name that I haven't heard in ages.  Sylvia Plath.  For those who haven't heard or read her story, check out "The Bell Jar."  

We had a huge, and I mean HUGE, discussion of her in philosophy and then in psychology class.  I won't spill it if anyone chooses to read her book, but, needless to say, she stunned the world several times over with her book.

Again, it's called "The Bell Jar" and it's her only book (read it and you will understand why) and it's a pretty fast read.  I don't recall it being a very long book (say 250ish, I think), but, it is a fascinating look into her mind.

You know, that actually brings me to an interesting question.  How much extra knowledge do we, as writers, especially as screenwriters, do we need in order to write a story and make it realistic.

Even in fantasies like say, Frozen, they did a ton of research on types of snow, the history of the land it takes place in (Scandinavia) and they admitted that they did hundreds of hours of research before writing the story.

Isn't writing fun?  But, it's our passion, right?

Dan

Libby, this was a good story and I hope you do expand on it.  I'd love to read it when you have it done.

Quoted from DanC You know, that actually brings me to an interesting question.  How much extra knowledge do we, as writers, especially as screenwriters, do we need in order to write a story and make it realistic

Well,  in this context not really any. There's just a passing reference to Plath in relation to, (like I said to Chris), her sad demise, and what similarly Edie had planned for herself.

I watch movies/read books/newspapers where often there is some cited reference to 'a person, an event in history, a place etc., that I've never heard of. Plenty of times I'm intrigued enough to know what the heck that reference was (which gets me frantically rewinding the film) and I'll do a search. Still, I'm a bit OCD that way - or call it hungry for knowledge. I also get it from my better half, also a writer.

There are plenty of references made everywhere, everyday, which unless you're a genius across the board you won't know.

The passing reference to Plath in R89 is less about if the audience knows of her, and more about character. Does Reg really know who Sylvia Plath is? It doesn't matter. It's about his assertion to Edie that he's not some dumb hick, and it's about her character too in that she's a trifle bit uppity/sophisticated and intent on letting him know she's more educated than him.

Sorry for the ramble, but no real research required here unless you're just plain curious.

Quoted from Dan Libby, this was a good story and I hope you do expand on it.  I'd love to read it when you have it done.

Good? Oh no,  it's great! Only kidding. I'm copying Dustin's very confident assertion of his 'talent' professed on another thread yesterday which I quite admired for its audacity and egocentricity. And then I thought, why not.

This could be great with some fixes to Edie's dialogue, (yes, not good in spots, and I blame the rush!) and a good director and talent. STS, thanks to Janet, (and Jeff re slugs), is getting it, so you'll be able to read a new draft soon.

I am going to be doing a lot more concerted writing everyday - shorts and features, taking a leaf out of Dustin, Janet, Pia, and Stephen King's books. Actually, add RichardR to that - he churns 'em out like a freight train!

Less pontificating and sitting on my derierre and more writing every day.

Only then will I know if maybe I have something too.

Ramble over.

Way to go Libby!

Writing every day is the only way!

And of course, let's not forget Anthony. Churning 'em out too!

Thanks mate. It definitely is.

I really liked this one - it's memorable, I still know what it was about and that's the thing I think. If it stays with you it must be good.

Anyway, congrats Libby, it's well deserved and could have easily been the mug. But... next time)

Thanks Kham. Very nice of you to say so!

Hey Lib -

Thanks!  Yup, churning 'em out is pretty much a great thing to do.  It keeps you hungry, eager and really smooths the grooves for making so many aspects of screenwriting instinctual.

Two things I find work... I've got a word document called "Script Ideas" - I never let any passing idea slide (until or unless I decide it wasn't as good as I thought it was.)  

That, and don't self-censure.  Basically, pretend you're eight years old, and run after everything shiny thing that catches your eye.  Seriously... you never know where it'll take you!  

My five cents...  

Quoted from LC Only then will I know if maybe I have something too.

You are talented. How can you be so unsure? Even in the remark above it goes from definite to unsure in the blink of an eye. You have something... and you should practise as much as you can.

Quoted from DustinBowcot You are talented. How can you be so unsure? Even in the remark above it goes from definite to unsure in the blink of an eye. You have something... and you should practise as much as you can.

Libby,
    I totally agree with Dustin.  You are so talented.  I know we, as writers, are all unsure if we are any good or not, but, really, you are quite talented.  You inspired me to try that story.  So, don't ever feel that you aren't talented or that this idea isn't good enough.

Just keep writing, keep honing your craft and I know you will make it.  There are quite a few people on here that are just so damn talented.  I have a feeling that quite a few of us, once it's done, will have sales under our belt.

Dan

Okay guys, better stop now, I'm going a bit red.

Not that your comments go unappreciated.  Encouragement and advice noted.

And, I really wasn't fishing for compliments. Self doubt kicks in now and again,  but I believe I know where my strengths lie.

So, I'm going to stick with the new resolution.

Thanks again you lot.