Deliverance by Robert Skotte (sniper) - Thriller - Four friends out on a nice relaxing weekend by the river - think again. - pdf, format

I'm intrigued.

Loved the movie and have seen it many times and read the script.

Is this like your own interpretation of the book or the movie?

The movie (or the script actually) - loosely, if you know what I mean.

Hey Sniper,
Good job man! As you say, this was “loosely” based on Deliverance. I don’t remember the original very well, but this stands on its own. A little trouble with the ending as explained below.

Gary


Here are my grammar notes I made while reviewing.
Pg 4       “the moment” doesn’t need to be in quotes
Pg 9     Nice way to ditch the high tech gear
Pg 21     “like” should be “Like”
Pg 25      Ball handling scene is very visual
Pg 29     “…probably in more ways than one.” Not needed. The joke is there without pointing it out.
Pg 30     “peer” should be “pier”
Pg 36      “…nailed to the ground” I took it literally.
Pg 40     “woozy” not needed.
Pg 40     “signs of mongoloid trait” reads awkward
Pg 42     And we enter the Deliverance Zone
Pg 50     “desecrate” should be “desecrates”
Pg 56      “don” should be ”dot”
pg 57      Is “don” commonly used?
Pg 77     “He’s coming apart.” Not sure, this may be redundant.
Pg 77     “Anger, the feral kind…” reads awkward
Pg 83     “humanly possible” cliché
Pg 83     “Jonie follow them” should be “Jonie’s eyes follow them”
Pg 83     “legs rolls” should be “legs roll”
Pg 84     “It peers its head” awkward
Pg 85      “arms hang limb” should be “arms hang limp”
Pg 89      “in the inbred way” awkward
Pg 90      Who has the gun? “Spyder leads Ted and Jonie at gunpoint.”
Pg 93     “Offers her weak smile” awkward
Pg 94     “So does the following twelve” s/b “So do…”
Pg 97     “The eerie kind.” Not needed.
Pg 99     “As if nature deliberately does its best to slow him down…” Not sure about this one.
Pg 102+     The wrap-up was kind of confusing. I was really thrown off by the teenager scene from the past.

Hey Gary,

Thanks for the read, I'm glad you dug it. Yeah, it's definitely loosely based on the original, I mean, I don't see much point in re-doing the original story since they hit a homerun with that one.

The ball handling scene? You make it sound like a porno   Seriously, I'm glad you liked the visuals of the scene. When I decided to write this there were two scenes I knew I wanted to keep. The rape scene and the dueling banjo scene. Now, obviously, nobody plays the fucking banjo anymore - certainly not these guys - so I had to come up with a similar scene but with a different theme. I think it works okay.

Aaahh, yes, the ending. You're not the first one to have problems with it and you'll probably not be last one either. Stevie read it a couple of days ago and I think he had the same issues you do. I'm not gonna explain it here cos I don't wanna spoil it for others (I can PM you if you like) but I will say this though: Pay very close attention to the sluglines. Don't just skim them.

You say you were really thrown off by the teenager scene from the past. I imagine you mean the brother and sister scene, right? Where does it say that the scene takes place in the past? It doesn't - it takes place in the present.

Thanks for the grammar corrections, I always manage to miss some of them.

About the lines you feel sound akward or are not needed, well, I guess it's a case of "potato / potahto" (or however you spell that). Obviously, I don't entirely agree with you on those but the gunpoint thing needs to be clearified. It's, of course, Ted who's holding the gun.

Again, thanks for the read.

Cheers
Rob

Quoted from grademan I don’t remember the original very well

Just remember that, down South, the original movie was considered a date flick... one that you'd bring your prettiest cousin to.


Phil

And this is the result:



Man, they look badass, don't they?

Quoted from sniper And this is the result: Man, they look badass, don't they?

How did you get my inlaws pictuires???

Sniper,

Reading the script now, the review will be up sometime this evening.

I thought this was Tommyp and his agent.

Robert,

I remember that I owed you a read, so I decided to give this script a look.

I should start off by saying that I didn't really like the original "Deliverance", so naturally, I didn't expect to like this remake.  However, I ended up actually liking this and reading through it rather quickly as it kept me on the edge of my seat.

All of the characters you developed were great from the "good" guys to the bad guys.  If I seem to remember, I thought the characters in the original were pretty one-dimensional, so I'm glad you were able to remedy this.  I also thought it was an interesting dimension, making it two couples as opposed to a bunch of guys.  It made for interesting aspects, like when they discuss the difference between male and female rape.  And having one of the characters be pregnant...well, that made it all the more suspenseful.  Although, I'm pretty sure she would have miscarried VERY early on in the script.  After all, now that I think about it, would a pregnant woman go on such a rough-and-tumble kind of vacation?  Hmm.

Anyway, moving on.  Your dialogue was really great, no complaints there.  And like I said, I dug the changes to the story.  Way to go with the soccer-ball scene too.  It was a nice homage without being over-done.

Sadly, you kind of lost me at the ending.  If you could PM me an explanation (or just copy and paste your previous one) it would be much appreciated.  I think you might need to start looking for ways to make this less confusing, because I'm pretty sure this won't be the last time you hear it (as you said before).

But overall, great job.  Out of curiosity, what are your plans for this script?

Hi Rob. Glad it's finally up, man. Look, i read the ending again just now. It does make sense, in the light of day, AFTER you explained it. but I don't think it will work, and the reviews in already back that up. I see what you were trying to achieve with the technique but it doesn't really gel.  I wiil write more stuff after a few more people have read it. But this is a fantastic script and you should be proud of it.

I urge anyone to read the original book by James Dickey. it's in my top 10 and I read it every few years. it's only 200 pages or less, I think. It's a bit different from the film that came from it, as the book is in first person, done by Jon Voight's character. It is extremely well written for a first novel. Cheers

Hey Rob, what up, man?  I stumbled on your new script when I was checking out the TS thread.  Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed that your link no longer said “coming soon”, so I clicked it, and lo and behold, there it was.

I took notes as I read, so I’ve got lots of typos and grammar issues flagged for you.

SPOILERS     SPOILERS     SPOILERS     SPOILERS     SPOILERS

I’ve got a lot of mixed feelings here, Rob.  I was enjoying this for what it was, but the farther I got into the script, the more my feelings began to head south, sorry to say.  The ending, with the different days and times revealed, sealed the deal for me, and gave me a very sour taste in my mouth.  I am very interested in hearing your explanation and reasoning for this ending, cause I just don’t get it, or like it, and I can’t even imagine what would be going through my head without the slugs (as in watching this on the big screen).  Reading back over the beginning again, further irked me, cause things just don’t hold up, based on what you “revealed” in the last 10 pages.

I’m going to break this up into what appears to be 3 posts, so prepare yourself for some serious detail.

Your writing is fine, as usual.  I know many in here really like your prose, and I’m sure they’ll like it again here.  For me, I don’t really like how you usually use a single line, a break, and another line, etc. in your action prose.  It makes the script seem much longer than it really is, but I understand why you do this and it does have a nice look to it, and makes for an easy read.

You’ve taken the movie Deliverance, which is a buddy movie involving 4 friends running a wild river and getting away from it all, who encounter some backwoods folk and have some nasty encounters, and turned it into a survival horror movie with inbred cannibals hunting and killing 2 dumbass couples from the city.  And then, you brought in a second story of cops finding the bodies at a different time and decided not to tell us, so that we think they’re on the trail to save our protags.  Without the alternate time stuff, I think this works well for what it is, but it is filled with leaps in logic, numerous completely unbelievable scenes, and clichés up the ass.  I’m sure many will love it though, as it does move right along and offers so much action and intense scenes.  I bet a lot of people won’t even realize what’s going on with the alternate time scenes.

I can’t say I like any of the characters, as they’re really not too well developed, but then again, for this kind of genre, they rarely are, so I personally don’t have a problem with that.  Ted is a complete ass, and I’m sure you wanted to make him out to be, so you were definitely successful.

I also can’t say I really like the dialogue either.  Don’t get me wrong, it’s definitely not bad, but a lot of it doesn’t ring true with me, especially Leigh, who comes off much smarter and educated than he should.
OK, so lets’ go over this in detail.  So we start with Helen and Donna, hiking in the woods/mountains.  They come across a half buried corpse.  Since corpse means dead body, I have no clue who this woman is, O.S. that is saying “Please!”.  Then a bone chilling scream echoes throughout the mountains, and into town.  Hmmm, so I’m a bit confused right off the bat.  Now, having finished the script, I know that the “Please” line was Jonie, but it’s totally misleading again, because it happened at a much earlier time.

This scene seems to take place right before the next scenes, in which we meet our 4 protags.  I’m confused what the temperature is.  I think we’re in Montana, but what month is it?  You’re talking about snow, frostbit faces, being able to see one’s breath, but later, we’ve got Spyder and Leigh walking around barefoot, with no shirt on. Also, “the four friends” all play around in the water later, which has to be cold as shit!  So, I’m confused again.

So we meet our people and then on the bottom of page 6, we shift over to Will and Chris at “the crime scene”.  This all plays out as if it’s happening at the same time, as it’s sandwiched right in between scenes of the four friends that are basically continuous scenes.  We get the feeling that our protags just may run into trouble.  But based on the ending, we now know this is not the case at all, and as I look back at it, it pisses me off, because you purposely tricked us into believing we were reading a linear story.  I mean there’s absolutely no reason we should think anything else, and when it all plays out, it’s going to come across as extremely confusing, and just not cool.

When you show scenes in random order, there needs to be some way for the audience to realize it…with SUPERS, based on what they’re wearing, or what is happening.  What you’re doing here is purposely tricking your audience and no one likes that, and in reality, it’s just not fair.

OK, let’s move on.  So based on the fact that they’ve arrived in a nice big SUV, it means  that they’ve driven here from somewhere, as apposed to flown in.  It sounds like this is the nearest town to where they’re going to be camping, and they’ve got an hour and a half drive.  Why would they want to rent another vehicle to drive from here?  I don’t get it and it makes little sense.  After the hour and a half drive, they have to walk a good distance to get to their campsite, which turns out to be a 2 story cabin, set amongst other cabins…again, I don’t understand the setting at all, and it just doesn’t compute.  How (or why) did someone build these cabins with no roads leading to them?  How do the four friends carry all these supplies and groceries through the woods to the cabin?  And backing up a bit, why in the world would a pregnant woman go on such a trip that includes exhausting hiking and dangerous canoeing in rapids, when they don’t seem to have a clue where they are or where they’re going?  Finally, of all things to do, why in the world would they want to leave their phones behind, knowing they have a pregnant woman along?  Crazy…and completely unbelievable.

So we go back to the crime scene again, which again seems to be in real time here, and meet Maggie, a complete throwaway character that has no reason to be here, because these scenes are all purely deception on your part, and really never have anything to do with this story or any of the other characters anyway.

Next we meet Spyder and Leigh along the trail.  Again, I don’t get it how they’re barefoot and bare chested, yet earlier you stated that one of our four friends had frost bit cheeks and you could see their breath.

So they set up at the cabin and hang out drinking “a considerable amount” of cans of beer, which would be almost impossible to bring to the cabin and would be warm, even if they could get them there.  Reality check again here!

OK, on page 23, we get going finally.  Spyder shows up and you have a nice twist on the old dueling banjos, but you could have done so much more here, IMO.  Ted comes off as a complete dick and his dialogue just doesn’t seem right at all. He ends up kicking Spydie’s ball into the water, and they go to bed.  Don’t get me wrong, I did like this scene, but I just feel there was more you could have done to make it stronger.

Back we go to the crime scene again, and then back to the cabin, where Ted finds a rifle hanging on the wall!  Huh?  WTF?  Why in the world would this cabin come complete with loaded fire arms?  Absolutely crazy!  Families and children rent these things (as we find out later)…sounds like a lawsuit just waiting to happen.  Another serious reality check.  Ted should just have a gun with him, as they obviously need a gun for later on.

So, they load up these 2 canoes that just happen to also be at the cabin with all these supplies they somehow brought in with them, including tents…so the log cabin wasn’t enough roughing it, I take it.  Then they paddle downstream and are on their way.  OK, another big issue here.  Maybe they’re complete idiots, but based on this line, they’re going to be in big trouble no matter what happens. If you paddle downstream, you somehow have to make it back upstream, which isn’t easy even for strong outdoorsmen, but here we’ve got 2 chicks and 1 is prego!  I mean they’re only here for the weekend, and it’s already got to be Saturday morning, meaning they’ll have to paddle back the following day (Sunday), pack back up, drive back to their car, and be on their way to wherever home is…and that will be very late Sunday night at best..if they could make it, which would be basically impossible.  Really bad idea, and unrealistic, as well.

Part 2

So they paddle, fish, float along and finally come to a bank and decide wherever the Hell they are, it’s a good place to camp.  We later find out that this area they chose, just happens to be near where our antags live and are hanging out, almost waiting for them.  Ted decides to shoot at a deer he sees.  OK…why’d he do that?  He says he wanted some meat…OK…like he was all ready to skin and gut the deer, slice it up into steaks, chops, and roasts and cook it all over the open fire, like the big camper that he is.  No…no, I don’t buy any of this.  Reality check time again.  So then, Bert and Ted decide to go after it…without the gun.  Doesn’t make sense again, but you needed this to happen to advance your plot.

OK, page 36, they run into Leigh and Spyder…and Sami.  Ted once again acts like a complete retard A-Hole and seals their fate, as well as his ass’s fate.  This is a well done and brutal scene.  I applaud you on your action writing here, cause it’s tight, intense, and quite graphic.

10 pages later, the girls come to the rescue, kill Sami, wound Leigh and then decide to let little Spydie go with his Pops, Leigh.  I think there’s too much dialogue going on for the next few pages, and it drags things down a bit.  It’s intense, but it comes off as repetitive, and just too much, based on the flow you’ve had going so far.  Somehow, Bert even knows they live in a cave nearby.  Then, they decide to bury Sami’s deadass body, which I highly doubt would be on top of their list of things to do, right then and there.

OK…so, a bigass storm has just whipped up, making their return trip even more impossible than it was going to be, so they decide to just continue downstream, away from their cabin.  Another really bad idea.  How about just hiking back along the shore?  You don’t think there will be bigass rapids coming up do ya?  Yep, sure enough, rapids quickly capsize both canoes, and they struggle to get out of the water, but Rhonda’s been shot and killed.  So it’s survival time.  They know they’re being followed, so they hoof it into a crevasse and start an insane climb up a mountainside.

OK, so on page 62, Leigh finds Rhonda’s dead body.  The slug says “later” so we know they’ve got quite a lead, and we also know Leigh is wounded and barefoot, making climbing a rocky, mountainside pretty tough.  The next 2 scenes are back at the cabin, with good old Chris checking things out.  The slug reads dusk, and we know that it is dusk, so again, it seems to be in real time, and we’re to think that Chris is on his way to save our protags.  In reality, it’s all BS, and this scene actually means nothing, because it’s obviously at least a day later.

So, the remaining 3 climb up the mountain, and Leigh and company somehow are hot on their heels.  They start shooting at them, catch Bert in the shoulder, knocking him over and down 10 feet, where he ends up with a compound fracture.  They climb down to him, set his leg, and for some reason, have enough time to do all this, before Leigh and the boys make it up. When they do, they can’t find them, and pass by conveniently.  They find a cave off of another trail and hunker down for the night (guess Leigh didn’t have any light or fire to help in his night time search).

OK, so now we go back to the “crime scene”, and again, it all seems to be playing out in real time, or at the same time.  We find out that there are now 6 dead bodies, and Will asks if one of them is a blonde woman.  At the time, this struck me as odd, but having nothing to go on (I didn’t even realize Jonie was blonde until I went back just now and checked), I moved on.  So this is now telling me that later when Jonie is running away from Spyder, Will is actually there, like we thought all along, but then later thought otherwise, based on the confusing slugs.  Bottom line here, Rob, this isn’t going to work like this.  No way will anyone be able to follow it, especially without slugs to read onscreen.

Back at the cave, it’s revealed that Bert actually wasn’t unconscious and could have tried to help Ted…Ted is actually awake and hears all this.  They spend the night safely.

Here’s another big problem now. On page 74, the slug reads “Continuous”, which is right after The above cave scene with our 3 remaining protags.  In reality though, this and the following 2 scenes cannot be taking place continuously, as they show the search team looking for them in the woods, when in reality, we now know they haven’t found any bodies, cause they’re not even dead yet.  So your attempts at trickery have now led you to a mistake in logic and time, and based on this, it is literally impossible to know WTF is going on.

So Bert wakes up alone the next morning.  Jonie pops back into the cave from above and tells him that Ted has left…most likely to go back for his dead wife.  Yep, sure enough, Ted walks along the mountain peaks and somehow makes it back to where Rhonda was left…and she’s gone, just like we suspected.  

Bert tells Jonie she has to go for help, so she leaves him, and scales the mountain, down to a clearing where she finds a cabin.  Leigh finds Bert in the cave, beats him up a bit.  Meanwhile Jonie attempts to break into the cabin, then sees old Spydie walking right up to it, so she quickly hides under the crawlspace.  Meanwhile, back at the cave, Leigh continues to toy with poor old Bert.  Bert has his chance, but misses with a rock, so Leigh knocks his ass out cold.  Back at the cabin, Spyder finds Jonie and knocks her out also.

So Spydie carries her off into the woods.  He lets her down and she tries to sweet talk him.  It works until she asks about his missing tongue.  He doesn’t like that subject and starts beating her again.  And then, all of a sudden, out of nowhere…Ted arrives to save the day…for the moment.  Ted pummels Spydie with Mike Tyson’esque haymakers, and knocks his ass out cold.  But he’s not done yet…he wants to know what they did with his dead wife’s carcass, so he wakes him up and makes him take them to it.

Back to Will…he’s found a canoe and appears to be hot on their trail.  Maybe he’ll find them and save the day?

OK, so next Leigh somehow managed to carry Bert down the mountain, barefoot, and suffering from a rifle shot, and puts him down by the river.  Enter Betty and Serena, 2 more inbred family members!  They drag Bert off, cause Leigh is obviously tired from his trek down the mountain.

Spyder leads Ted and Jonie to a clearing where a pot sends off smoke into the air.  Something seems sinister here!  What’s in the big pot?  You don’t think…nah, couldn’t be.  It’s their home…a hidden cave entrance, and out pops Laura, carrying a baby…2 more inbred family members.  Damn, this place is thick with them!  Seems the baby is old Spydie’s.  Ted makes him tell him where Rhonda is.  He leads them to a leaf covered object which turns out to be Rhonda, only her arm has been cut off…oh no…you don’t think…Yep!  In the pot…cannibals!  Damn, cannibals living all this time right near all these nice cabins and camping grounds.  Who’d a thunk it?

That’s all Ted can take.  He’s gonna kill that cannibal bastard, Spyder…but no…Leigh shows up just in time to shoot Ted in the hip, of all places!  Bert is there as well, in Serena and Betty’s grasp.  Ted grabs Spyder, threatens to shoot him, Leigh threatens to shoot Bert…a Mexican standoff in the clearing by the secret cave. Jonie tries to help but that pesky Serena bitchslaps her ass and sends her flying.  Bert slyly communicates with Jonie…wants her to save herself and the baby at all costs.  Ted is in on the game as well.  Bert reverse headbutts Leigh and Jonie takes off.  Betty tries to grab her but Bert sends her flying with a shoulder check.  Uh oh, Leigh’s shotgun goes off and takes Bert’s head with it.  Bye, bye Bertie!  Ted also fires and takes out Leigh.  Spyder and the other little cannibals are quite upset and rush to their Pa’s side, but it’s too late.  Spyder is now the new Pa!  Spyder grabs the shotgun, and heads after Jonie, while Serena and Betty beat Ted to death with sticks.

Part 3

Jonie runs, Spyder follows.  She sees a car…Will’s car.  Could the day be saved?  As she tries to call out for help, Spydie grabs her ass and hauls her back into the woods.  Will thinks he sees something, but is probably too drunk to realize it.  Jonie then pummels Spyder a few times and runs off again.

Back to Will, who finds their rented piece of shit truck.  He hears someone around him.  Nothing there.  Suddenly, Chris surprises him on the walkie...they’ve ID’d the bodies…so we know now that once again, we’re at a later date, but we sure as Hell don’t know it now…WEAK!!!  So it’s confusing whether or not Will was really there in the prior scenes when Jonie was calling out for help.  Who knows?  It’s just not fair and there’s literally no way anyone could know WTF is really going down here now.

Jonie keeps going but all of a sudden decides to give up and stop running.  Spyder grabs her, and it’s not looking good unless she can start punching his lights out again.

Back to Will again, who hears screams.  Could it be true?  Maybe he will save her after all?  Let’s see…he runs through the woods, sees a struggle ahead of him.  Runs up to them…nope, just 2 teenagers playing around.

Now we get for the first time, “Different Day” in the next slug.  First thing I thought was WTF?  Different day?  What different day? We have no clue, and without a SUPER, onscreen we have absolutely no idea this is a different day.  And in reality, there have been numerous “different day” scenes, only you didn’t bother to tell us up till now, because you were deceiving us, unfairly.  So Spyder seems to be getting the best of Jonie now…she looks to be about done.

Now we jump to “present”, and Will confronts the kids he’s come across.  It’s just a brother and sister playing around. Their Dad is pissed that Will has a gun trained on them, and off they go, back to their cabin.

Back to that “different day” again, and Spyder takes Jonie out, as she screams, “PLEEEAASE!!” into the wind.

Back in “present” again, and the shotgun blast echoes through the air.  Will feels bad about pointing his gun at the bro and sis, and then spots Spyder across the shore.  Then we get a morgue scene in “present”, revealing the dead bodies that were dug up.  A flashback of Spydie burying everyone together, and finally a flashback of the four friends planning their death trip from their apartment in New York!  New York?  So, they flew into somewhere in Montana after all, rented a nice SUV, drove to this little town, rented another truck for the final hour and a half drive, all for a quick weekend camping/canoeing trip.  Another reality check that doesn’t make a whole lot of sense.

The end.

Page by page notes

“the four friends” – used over and over again throughout the script.

I started with my page by page notes on page 20 (sorry for not starting at the beginning, but I had some plans that changed, thus giving me more time to do this properly).

Page 20 – “lie” incorrectly used.
How did they carry all these beer cans up with them?

Page 23 – “dance” should be “dances”

Good stuff with the soccer ball back and forth…guess this is your dueling banjoes scene, huh?  Interesting. Something definitely needed to happen here, as things were getting very slow.  I think you cold have done a bit more with this scene, though.

Page 24 – insert “a” in front of “blurry”…but actually, I think you’re intending to use the word “flurry”?  I don’t know what a blurry is.

Page 25 – “disappears” should be “disappear”.

Page 28 – These are 2 story cabins?  Out in the middle of nowhere, only accessed by hiking in?   Huh?  If these are indeed 2 story cabins, I’d definitely change the prior slugs that read “campsite”.  Definitely more than a campsite.

Page 29 – Why is there a rifle hanging on the wall?  What kind of cabin/camping is this?  That’s so not safe, assuming this cabin is used by families.  Reality check!

Page 30 – I don’t think “lie” is the word you want here.
“…paddling shotgun,…” – not sure what you mean here.

Page 32 – “joins” should be “join”.

Page 37 – Not really feeling Leigh’s dialogue…it doesn’t ring true as in backwoods folk.
“…, your hear?” – I don’t think this is what you’re intending here…is it?

Page 38 – Bert’s speech – “…to much” should be “…too much”.

Page 38/39 - Ted’s dialogue is sounding ridiculous at this point…way over the top dumb.  No reason to be funny here, and it doesn’t come off right at all.

Page 45 – catches whose attention?

Page 47 – So Jonie’s there now too?

Page 48 – I don’t like the long aside here at all…not necessary.
Page 49 – “notice” should be “notices”
“what ever” should be “whatever”

Page 50 – “other” should be “others”.  Same sentence, “desecrate” should be “desecrates”.
“sprinkle” should be “sprinkles”.

Page 51 – “Rhonda looks to Bert and Jonie -- right?” – Huh?  Is this supposed to be dialogue or what?
“gush” should be “gushes”, but I’d reword this sentence, actually.
“…as another lights cracks…” – needs to be rewritten here also.

Page 52 – “jumps” should be “jump”.
“Bert’s” should just be “Bert” here.

Page 53 – “…just as a lightning…” – doesn’t make any sense as written…maybe remove the “a”, or add “bolt” or the like after lightning.
“drags” should be “drag”.
Insert a comma after “air”.

Page 55 – “wiped” should be “whipped”.

Page 59 – “of” should be “off”.
Is the sun really setting already?  It seems like everything has happened rather quickly, so I doubt it’s that late already.

Page 61 – “hoist” should be “hoists”.
“tourist” should be “tourists”
“the four friends” again – you’ve used this line so many times now!
“…an peeks…” – should be “…and peeks…”

Page 64 – “losses” should be “loses”

Page 65 – “tears” should be “tear”

Page 66 – “of” should be “off”
Second “her” should be “him”.

Page 67 – “stick” should be “sticks”

Page 70 – “at” should be “a”.

Page 71 – “Dirty and tired.” – probably want to combine this with the previous sentence, using a comma.
“tighten” should be “tightens”.

Page 73 – “pass” should be “passes”

Page 82 – insert “him” after “yanks”.

Page 83 – First you called the cabin “run down cabin.  Now you’re calling it “derelict cabin’.  Pick one and stick with it, since it’s the same place.
“…as the move…” – should be “…as they move…”
“rolls” should be “roll”

Page 84 – “yanks” should be “yank”

Page 85 – “limb” should be “limp”
“cobweb” should be “cobwebs”

Page 89 – “Leigh puts down Bert…” – should be “Leigh puts Bert down…”

Page 91 – “stare” should be “stares”

Page 94 – “…the Laura…” – get rid of “the”
“does” should be “do”

Page 99 – “As if nature deliberately…” – Don’t like this aside at all…totally unnecessary
Will pulls out his gun twice on this page.

Page 100 – What’s up with the slug here?  Different day?  WTF?
Now we’re back in present day?  Something’s really fucked up here, cause this makes no sense at all.

Page 101 – “What’s going in on here?” – Need to remove “in”.
I don’t buy the conversation here, as Will is a cop so this father is way out of line acting like he is, and Will is not displaying a cop’s mentality.

Page 102 – “…smiles in a odd…” – should be “…smiles in an odd…”

Page 103 – “Forever sleep.” – should be “Forever asleep.”