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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Thriller Scripts  ›  The Cursed Moderators: bert
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  Author    The Cursed  (currently 416 views)
Posted: April 17th, 2017, 1:13pm Report to Moderator

So, what are you writing?

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The Cursed by Gunel Huseynova - Thriller - Four extremely dangerous inmates are at large after escaping from women's prison.  139 pages - pdf, format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

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You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky

Revision History (1 edits)
Don  -  April 17th, 2017, 1:18pm
revised draft
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Posted: April 30th, 2017, 5:01pm Report to Moderator

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Hi Gunel,

I would get rid of everything on the first page, except title, written by, e-mail and copyright (e-mail and copyright at the bottom right corner).

Your formatting is not correct and it makes it difficult to read.
Get a good screenplay reference book.
Also, you tell us, instead of showing us in your action lines.
Cap characters when first introduced, ex: LYNN (1.  
Keep action lines to a max. 4-5 lines.
Get rid of "we see", "we hear". If you write visually, then "we see" is implied.

What really helped me was to read a lot of movie scripts. They are available on this website.

I bought screenplay software (Final Draft), expensive, but there's also some free stuff out there.

Good luck,

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Posted: May 8th, 2017, 11:50am Report to Moderator

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Okay, Frank. Thank you very much for taking your time to read my script and write this valuable comment!
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