Now that's a title!
I'll just dive right in here...
:Need a description of where they are right off the top.
:You introduce three characters in the first sentence of description. I'd give them each their own sentence and describe them a little.
:At this point, the audience doesn't know that Desmond is their stepfather. This greatly lessens the impact of the scene...we need to establish that right off the bat.
:Oh, she's in a pool! See, I had no idea...
:Again, what does Alice look like?
:What's VB? An alcoholic drink, I'm guessing...
:The scene at night is not necessary if we have this scene with the tea right after it. They both make the same point...the second much more intensely so.
:For scene 4, you introduce the girls as if we don't know them. You added the pool scene in later, maybe?
:What's Drum?
on't put in camera directions.
:I guess her dream was wrong, since he didn't die by Cyclone..?
:The title's fine, but I personally feel that using that pun in the script is far, far too much.
I think there's a bit of a...well, I don't know, it seems a bit mean-spirited, actually. Sure, the bad guys get their comeuppance, but is it necessary to "torture" them first? It all seems a bit harsh for a heartwarming story.
I don't think we know enough about the sisters to really identify with them. I thought you would play Alice as a sympathetic character but apparently not...I think there are too many conflicts for such a short script. To me, it seems like this should either be much longer, or we should be sympathetic to Alice and leave Sarah out of it.
This was well-written though, it just lacked...something. Maybe it was that I didn't identify with the main characters.
Good work, and I hope you're around to receive comments.