Alanah,
I've just finished reading your second draft and here's my review.
You have changed many things from the first draft, and especially the end. I think you should reformat the whole script and take out the capital letters at every dialog lines. The (too) many CUT TO: are useless and your scene heading are bad formatted. No page numbers too. Some typos.
Rename the title on the title page.
**************************SPOILERS************************************
About the first scene, you must cut it into sequences.
Try to find another movie cheaper than Dumbo.
When you say: She takes Meredith's body and throws THEM into the lake. It should be HER instead, no?
The sequence where Keira calls Mia and Nathan should intercut.
When Mia talks about Keira's house (ancient burial ground, etc…) she should say that as a joke.
The screaming heard by Keira in the bathroom is a child's screaming?
Keira takes over too quickly after that screaming.
In town, gives Mia a reason to visit the Toy Shop
When Emmy searches on the computer in the library, it's weird she doesn't see any picture of the Mother in the sites.
After the lake sequence, how could the Mother enter the house when the Toy Shop owner warned to lock the doors?
Keira cannot check upstairs alone when, just before, she suggested to not be separated. Nathan cannot let her go alone. He loves her. He has to come with her and then they were separated for any reason.
Why do they have to use Emmy's car to get help? They have a phone in the house. Or it has been cut off.
In town, cut in different sequences (i.e. the blacksmith shop)
How come the Mother killed everyone in town as she was in Keira's house just before?
In the blacksmith shop, Dylan could rather use the hammer to assault the Mother instead of throwing it away to get a diversion.
If the shelf falls over the Mother, why can't they run outside instead to get in the basement?
The dialogs between Emmy and Dylan are too long before he dies. She had time to take him away instead.
When the Mother kills Dylan with an ax, where's her knife?
Why Nathan is running over the pharmacy to phone? They had a phone in the house.
How did Nathan crash in the Toy store?
Weird place for the kitchen to find a hammer and a screwdriver.
Emmy proposes to Mia to phone her folks with her Cell phone. Why did she use it sooner? And why do they have to go to the nearest town to use a phone and call the police?
The ending is not clear to me. What is the link between Mia and the Mother?
That's it Alanah. Besides all this, I just loved your script and my remarks are here (I hope) to help to ameliorate it.
Waiting for the third draft.
Michel