Monster's Contest by Cindy L. Kellor - Short, Comedy - All the monsters want to do on this fine afternoon is have their Halloween Party when they are stopped by a corrupt politician.. <12 pages - pdf, format

Not bad.  I got a couple of chuckles out of some of the jokes.  I think you were kind of going for zany comedy here and I think in order to achieve that you need to ramp up the humour even more, more jokes per page.   I also thought your characters could use some attention as some fell short of feeling complete, perhap you had a tad too many for the page count.

32

It was kinda funny. The characters, especially Frankenstien was good, but not developed much since you had too many. I would have liked to know why they were there in the first place. What they would have won? It would have probably added more to the comedy.  

Gabe

This one had an awesome concept but it was way too silly for me.  The jokes and gags didn't do much for me either.

things I learned from this script:
1.  Monsters live in Michigan
2.  Light makes people scream

The concept was funny though.  I wish I thought of it.

This one kinda reminded me of the movie the monster club, all these different movie creatures in one place.  I think you could have made Frankenstein's monster more the way he is in the films, not being able to talk well and stumbling around, he seemed too intelligent here.  Anyways the theme was used very well and this had some good laughs especially the little red riding song done by the werewolf and the La ku ca ra cha! La ku ca ra cha! bit by Jennifer.  Good work.

Forgot your title page!

U V protected. LMAO. Love that line – and this one “Because their husbands have hallow weenies!

My only gripeS ARE the check bit, didn’t quite appeal to me and there are too many characters for my liking; otherwise quite a good story.

My OWC Challenge rating of your script “Carving of a Jack O’ Lantern”:  7/10
Comedy Structure: 7/10
My rating of your script overall: 7/10

Like the others have said this one was kind of out there...
It might be good for animation though, but I also think it needs more comedy.
Michigan, and Jennifer who really tried to close down the state last week because of the lack of funds... Humm...
I would have also liked to known what the winner would have won.
Good concept though.

Cindy

This is a current event!  Well that went right over my head.

This was, imo, very funny -- course I'm jacked up on Nyquil. Still, it's over-the-top, and appropriately so.

Well done,

Seth

....

....

...I loved it.

I think the reason is that I was a huge FAN  of those scooby doo movies, like "scooby doo an dthe ghoul school" and all that, and this reminded me exactly of one of those.  Absoultely wonderful.  I can see this animated, pcture all the voices.  Just change a joke or two, and more puns, and you've got yourself a winner (in my book at least, i don't know if anyone else ha sthe scooby obsession I have).

-Tyler

Heeeeey Punk,




ZOMBIES. Sorry. I noticed that there weren't any in most of the script. I was thinking: "There are all these Halloween monsters everywhere, but no zombies?" And then they came. Same with the ghosts. There weren't any and they're probably one of the most famous Halloween monsters around.

Anyways, Jennifer Goldencomb. Haha when she started singing the La cu ca racha song, I was like, "WTF?" But then I laughed when the Park Ranger said, "She's speaking in tongues!"

Also, when the Devil threw Jennifer into the pit to Hell, I could imagine Frankenstein staring at where his pumpkin used to be, and a tear slowly falls down his face as he says "My Pumpkin..." all defeated and stuff. Was this intended on being an animated script? I think it'd work better if it is.

Some of the jokes lagged, but this was a cute script. I enjoyed it and, to be honest, it's made me very excited for Halloween.

Sean

I enjoyed the beginning of this script but the ending less so.  

The idea of the Devil, Dracula and so on carving pumpkins was very funny.  For me though the embezzling part could have been better. The characters came across very well and funny, especially the red riding hood bit.

There were some good and funny dialogue but overall I was left a bit disappointed.

I liked the collection of monsters in this, with Frankenstien, Dracula, and the like...

The whole Jennifer Goldencomb part seemed like a joke that I wasn't in on, as I'm barely knowlegable of politics here in Florida, never mind what shenanigans Jen Goldencomb (Granholm) is doing up in Michigan...

I gather that she has a differing opinion on immigration issues then the writer and she chose to strengthen social programs at the expense of supporting public parks. Not really funny, at least not to the uninformed.

I'm glad Frankenstien was happy that he got a new big pumpkin...

I don't remember to read something very childish like this story - Read childish as a type of story that make interest just to a child. The "witch, watch, writs together in lines very near was very funny. The other thing that I've lost was about the Michigan politics joke, I'm sorry. Maybe it was the best part of this hybrid script; half comedy, half terror.

A good try!

This script suffered mostly IMHO from too many carachters in such a short script. We don't really get to know any of them enough to care too much about them.

I liked the idea of monsters having a pumpkin carving contest. That was a good idea.

The Jennifer Goldencomb part can go I think. Just make it about monsters having the carving contest and skip the corrupt politican part altogether.

The writing itself was fine.

Pia