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This was enjoyable, Could be drawn out a little in the middle I feel. Keep us dangling a bit more but overall good job. It also reminded me of the hospital scene from Jacobs Ladder.
This had the potential of a real gory nightmare piece, but it seemed to fall apart midway through, IMO. I liked this idea of the guy who keeps reawakening in the hospital, only to find one more piece of himself missing. Unfortunately, I think you went for the most obvious route with the body part salvage. Probably not a good idea for a nurse to be carrying around a pen that says "Human Salvage" on it. Just doesn't inspire much hope in the patients.
That being said, I think this does have potential if you kept us guessing a little longer as to what was going on, and come up with some twist we never saw coming.
I didn't get the idea of revealing the year, did I miss something?
I take it they saved him? Why? If they were going to kill him anyway?
The reveal about the cannibalism from the T.V. in the physical therapy room was unnecessary IMO since later you showed the pen and it was a bad way (I take you wanted us to know) to reveal it. Talk about covering your tracks.
Because the reveal was so early I thought the twist would be that it actually was all in his head.
And finally, I think it would have been more effective if organs were being wheeled away as the last scene instead of him (or what remained of him) being wheeled to the organ "thingy".
Robert Frost - “Half the world is composed of people who have something to say and can’t, and the other half who have nothing to say and keep on saying it.”
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