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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short  ›  Tomorrow III: The Ride Moderators: bert
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SimplyScripts
Posted: November 6th, 2010, 6:58am Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Tomorrow III: The Ride by R.E. McManus - Short - Hugh and Matilda hit the road for a ride.  He takes her somewhere she wasn't expecting. 7 pages - pdf, format


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screenrider
Posted: November 6th, 2010, 12:08pm Report to Moderator
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Personally, I hope the bull impales Hugh like a southern shiskabob.   But can he save the dog!?  I guess we'll just have to wait for the next episode to find out.

Interesting premise you've got going on here, Ren.   Your Irish writing style seems somewhat disjointed in places, but a quick read nonetheless.  I like the way you left us with a cliffhanger.   As much as I hate to admit it, I look forward to the next installment.
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rendevous
Posted: November 7th, 2010, 4:28pm Report to Moderator
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Thanks SR.

T4 is being done despite my holidays. Not sure what you mean by disjointed. Us Irish rarely do things by the book. That would be too easy.

I do have plans for Hugh and Matilda. And the dog. And even maybe Phil.

R ox


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RayW
Posted: November 9th, 2010, 12:51pm Report to Moderator
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Freedom

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Howdy, Big R

I'm daft.
For awhile I've been reading your remarks on "T3 coming soon" and kept thinking "Terminator III".
Sometimes... it's just difficult.
Your generosity is appreciated.

Anywho...

PDF pg 2 - Do the Eire folk really spell the rubber things on a car's wheel t-Y-r-e?
Okey doke.
We use an I instead of a Y, but... whatever.
(I could film it, and that's the important part.)

PDF pg 3
HUGH
f***ís sake. Big fecking stupid
slab of f#cking meat. Moo you too,
ya twat. Iím gonna eat your sister
tonight, you... you horrible big
bovine barstard! BASTARD!

Do yer folk switch back an' forth between fecking and f#cking and barstard and bastard?
I just got nailed on a stuttering character and was wondering if local language flavors received the same treatment: Don't.

HUGH
See this?
(grabs his leather jacket)
Thatís yer mamís arse, that is. My
shoes are made outta your dadís
belly, you big daft black bollocks,
ya.

LMFAO!
You've been secretly recording me in my car, haven't you?
Scary.

I wanna get the f*** outta
here, girl. Right now.

I can understand posh muppet getting her knickers in a knot, but don't really get why Hugh is so rent.
Also, they're going in, not out, as they've yet to arrive at their destination.
Maybe "I wanna get this done sooner than you, Tills."

Pg 7
MATILDA
Hugh, Hugh! Be careful! Itís not a
cow. Itís a bull.
HUGH
(quietly)
I can F**king see that, you dizzy
bint.

OMG.
I'm Hugh.

Love it when folk tell me the incredibly effing obvious.
I try to let them know how much I appreciate their grasp of it.


Right nice li'l tail... er tail--
D@MMIT!
... tale you 'ave there, Rendevous.

TIV(4): with baited breath, we wait.


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rendevous
Posted: November 12th, 2010, 6:55pm Report to Moderator
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Ah, RW.

Been away, getting my big conk sunburnt. That's my nose, not me erm...

The T2 / T3 business is deliberate on my part, that's me intention, not my erm.. Sorry.

And, if any of these should get made I'll be making certain McG has absolutely nothing to do with them. And I'm a man of my word, like Heath was. Did I ever tell you about these scars?

There's no 'i' in the proper 'bated'. But people do it so wrong so often it's no common usage. God, I can be such a tosser. And I remember I used to be such a nice guy.

Tyre does not have an 'i' in it. That's for Yanks only, us Micks and Brits spell it properly. The Americans tried to simplify English, spelling 'through' as 'thru'. In fact they made it even more complicated.

Sometimes in dialogue I take liberties with spellings, for emphasis. I'm a special case. Often I don't get away with it.

Yes, I've been bugging your car and bedroom for months. You naughty boy, you.

So rent? Hugh, as far as he's concerned is stuck with some daft bint while trying to do what he needs to on holiday. The woman, to him, is a liability. Hence his attitude. He likes her, but she really pisses him off.

The reason he says 'I wanna get the f*** outta here, girl. Right now.' rather that your suggestion is becuase it's exactly want he wants to do. Your suggestion implies consideration and almost niceness, especially using 'Tills'. Nice idea, but I was thinking it went different. Hugh ain't in a good mood at that point.

Thank you for the read and review. Keep it cooking.

R ox


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