Howdy Allan
Get Seven: Episode 1 is listed as the title here but it links to a PDF titled
THE JUROR.
Wrong PDF or name change?
Address
Phone NumberDelete that, substitute email contact instead.
Forgot your superfluous left-justified
FADE IN:
EXT. WHISKY CITY - NIGHT
The moon is out in full force tonight, a smidgen of stars
crowds around it.
The city is awfully quiet, not even the annoying whisper of
the stray animals can be heard.
Silence...This is called "novelistic writing".
It's used in novels.
In spec screenplay format you'll need to burn all that down to:
EXT. WHISKY CITY - NIGHT
Stars shine bright around a full moon over unnaturally quiet streets.
Clyde lets go...
Falling into what seems to be eternity...Yeah, you can consolidate onto one line and cut the ellipsis.
More novel melodrama to be cut.
Cut the CUT TO:s
'Over Black' : A couple hours priorOVER BLACK is a left-justified shot or mini-slug looking thing.
You'll want to
SUPER[impose] "A couple hours Prior".
Heavy rain beats down on the street, a storm is coming.
Just another day in Whisky City"a storm is coming" is unfilmable; delete it.
Delete that second line. More novelistic melodrama a director can't shoot.
Refer to these three screenplay links for more formatting clarrifications.
http://www.scribd.com/doc/12721428/Professional-Screenplay-Formatting-Guide http://www.storysense.com/docs/SPFormat.pdf http://www.screenwriting.info/.....lay-Formatting-GuideGotta rework the whole twenty-one pages.
Resubmit to simplyscripts with a note requesting an update of this link for your short.
You do a pretty good job of breaking up large blocks of dense text.
You'll lose lines for economizing little things.
Watch some of the things I found on this recent project of mine.
http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-screenwrite/m-1291072262/s-all/You want people to read your "story" without being distracted by the "format and novelization".
GL,
Ray
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