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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Scripts  ›  Its Tisa Time/Towaway Again Moderators: bert
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  Author    Its Tisa Time/Towaway Again  (currently 811 views)
Don
Posted: May 17th, 2011, 5:36pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Its Tisa Time/Towaway Again by Debra Plante - Short, Comedy - Gang spoof, Los Angeles Police Corruption, Courts Corruption. 22 pages - pdf, format


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jackx
Posted: June 9th, 2011, 12:40am Report to Moderator
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Not sure what's up with the double title but I would recommend picking one and sticking with it.
Also your address on a script online is kinda inviting trouble.  Email would be fine.
And draft number is not needed on a spec script.
And off the title page...
Okay... Do not want or need a list of actors or scenes.  Do not want title on the top of every page.  Or all caps.  Not sure what kinda formatting this is trying to be, maybe a play?

And I got about two pages into the actual script before calling it quits.  I'm pretty forgiving, but if you consistently can't capitalize 'i' then your gonna have trouble getting reads.  It feels like this was typed in instant message speak on an iPhone.  

On a side note your dialogue if pretty expositional and there is limited scene or character description, which is almost a relief due to the all caps.  

Oh and you start right off with an unfilmable...


Mine:
HARD CASE
            (65 Pages) Stealing the case is just the beginning...

APU
            (80 pages) A city where superheroes are murderers and villains walk through walls...
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Pale Yellow
Posted: November 5th, 2011, 8:48pm Report to Moderator
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Before what jackx said about the title, casting page, and sets page.

Another thing immediately bothered me was the all CAPS.

Pg 1 missed periods at the end of sentences, forgot to capitalize I, no question marks...lots of grammar problems

But I kept reading...The dialogue seemed not real at all to me. I'm sorry but I quit reading at pg 4.
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