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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Scripts  ›  Path To Peace Moderators: bert
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Don
Posted: August 27th, 2011, 8:44am Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Path To Peace by Brian Howell (reuel51) - Short, Drama - In the aftermath of a suicide bomb, a dying man has one regret. - pdf, format


Visit http://www.simplyscripts.com for what is new on the site.


-------------
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky
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leitskev
Posted: August 27th, 2011, 8:49am Report to Moderator
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I could see where you were going as soon as he said "doesn't mean I won't die", but that's not really a problem for me. For a 1 pager, I thought this was pretty darn good, Brian. If these comments seem brief, they still represent about 5% of this short! I assume this was for a one page competition. It should do well, I would think. Good work.
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sniper
Posted: August 27th, 2011, 8:59am Report to Moderator
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My UZI Weighs A Ton

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"When in doubt - C4." - Jamie Hynemann (Mythbusters)

Yeah, you got your point across but with these 1-pagers it's often difficult for the reader to see the reason behind action. Same thing goes with this one.


Down in the hole / Jesus tries to crack a smile / Beneath another shovel load
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reuel51
Posted: August 27th, 2011, 9:20am Report to Moderator
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Yes, this was for a one-page competition on MP.

Thanks for reading.

Leitskev, you never have to apologize to me for brief comments. I'll accept anything.

Sniper, I was sort of relying on subject matter to help fill in the blanks there. Thanks for commenting.


new Ignoble 5 pgs, Shock Drama (could be disturbing)
Faking It 5 pgs MP 2nd place Feb 2011
Consequences 7 pgs Thriller
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Mr. Blonde
Posted: August 27th, 2011, 9:34am Report to Moderator
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What good are choices if they're all bad?

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I really loved this one when I read it in July, Brian. Very good stuff.

Being that my review's already there, there's nothing else I can tell you about it. Lol.

My favorite of my month (as lots of other people's as well) and definitely deserved #1. =)


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Electric Dreamer
Posted: August 27th, 2011, 1:20pm Report to Moderator
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Taking a long vacation from the holidays.

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Hey Brian,

Congrats on the contest win.
You accomplished a lot with one page.
An effective slice of a story with human rights implications. Kudos.

E.D.


LATEST NEWS

CineVita Films
is producing a short based on my new feature!

A list of my scripts can be found here.
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albinopenguin
Posted: August 29th, 2011, 3:26pm Report to Moderator
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congrats on the win. after reading this, i can see that it was well deserved. not much to comment on considering its a one pager. it's short, it's effective, and it's well written. my only suggestion would be to set this short in a specific location. as it stands now, we're not sure if this takes place in israel, iraq, north america, etc.


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Forgive
Posted: August 29th, 2011, 4:48pm Report to Moderator
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Let The Sky Fall

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Impressive: ugly and brutal and effective. Tense writing style, kept everything to a minimal. Good stuff all round.
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jackx
Posted: September 9th, 2011, 4:42pm Report to Moderator
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Well written, nice and terse befitting a one pager.  The subject kinda left me listless though.  It doesn't really say much, and seems like viewing it would just kinda be sixty seconds of shock without much behind it.  But hey, maybe I'm hoping for too much from one page.

In any case the styles good, and if it won a contest then it's just my personal opinion holding me back.


Mine:
HARD CASE
            (65 Pages) Stealing the case is just the beginning...

APU
            (80 pages) A city where superheroes are murderers and villains walk through walls...
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