The Importance of Being Furnished by Zack Van Eyck - Short, Comedy - When a couple decides to move in together, her insistence on renting a furnished apartment brings the many issues in their relationship to light.  Male and female leads, 20s to 30s.  Interiors in apartment.  Comedy, 5 pages. - pdf, format

Hey Zack,

This was okay, nothing memorising but nicely written in most parts and if it’s your first script then you’ve done okay IMO.

I didn’t care for the italic writing for some words but it didn’t really affect the read for me.

Not much happened to be honest, in all seriousness they would have stayed at the apartment. Who’s got money to throw around to keep furniture in storage or give everything away?

Like I say, the story lacks but the writing was okay especially if you’re a beginner?

Good luck and keep writing.

Steve.

hi Zack - I'd have to echo the above, writing was, in the main fine. Some minor issues with tricky-to-film stuff:

# A safe...(but unspectacular apartment)

# (sips coffee and) searches for apartment rentals on her laptop.

# There’s a bit of tension, to say the least.

As far as italics are concerned, I read that they are a no, and that underling is the only acceptable, but then different people go for different methods - but the italics are more difficult to see, especially if you're reading at arms-length.

Story doesn't really go anywhere - Andrea has a position at the start, and this remains at the end; a discussion is held but in the end there is no real change in the status quo, their opinions etc etc. The conflict within the script doesn't impact on the story direction.

Good points are that the characters came across as different, and stood out from the page.

I don't really think the story suits the log-line so well - it was more like 'The Importance of Andrea Getting Her Own Way'.

Simon

ANDREA, an attractive girl-next-door type, sips coffee and
searches for apartment rentals on her laptop.

^how does the reader know that Andrea's searching for apartments? show, don't tell.

sounds like justin's dialogue and andrea's dialogue should be switched. how many men complain about other people making love on the same furniture? this man should be flicked in the fleshly pouch he calls a scrotum.

overall, i simply don't care. the character's arent interesting, the story isnt exciting, and the script isnt captivating in any way whatsoever.

I opened this script for the title.  Nice.  You have some funny moments here, but, what others have said, not much happens otherwise.

Why is it that men are such pussies nowadays?  Just curious...

I enjoyed how he was prepared with a ring, and she shot him down.  Outside of that.  I'm not sure what the point is.  Perhaps a second read will help.  I guess I'll never know.  

Zack

Can't say I really got into this one. I don't mind a two hander, talking heads scripts if the dialogue is sharp and goes somewhere. Unfortunately, this was neither. The conversation felt dragged out and unfocused. It seems to go off in a tangent, rambling and inconsequential before ending without much achieved or gained. In fact, it didn't really end more like went around in circles before Andrea makes some vague statement about wanting a furnished apartment and that's all there is to it while Justin takes solace in her actually calling him partner for once. I dunno, I guess that's progress, I just didn't really care.

The writing and formatting seemed ok, lean and direct, plus you got a clever title.

Sorry, I couldn't be more positive.

Col.

I liked some of the couples bickering, but overall I didn't feel like anything was really accomplished by the end of it. Also the ending joke just kinda left me with a wtf feeling,

I think the most clever part of this short is the title, which is why I read it. The script itself is kinda one noted. It's mostly dialogue driven, so it should have some snappy dialogue and since it's comedy I think you should be hitting the jokes quickly, it doesn't flow like that here.

Is this written from some sort of personal experience? I just wondering what the purpose of writing this piece was.