Really nice blend of simmering confrontation and quietly combative leading character and antag from the outset. And you've already got me saying 'ewww' with the description of the soda and the spittle. Not to mention what comes later...
But, where's the description of your
main character, at least? (See below)
This is a terrific story but I think it could be even better if you up the stakes.
The one thing I would have liked to see is if Jessup had actually done something really horrible or highly questionable on the job. He's being called in for what? Insubordination? Right, reading on he had an
'outburst' and yelled/called his supervisor out over something, yet this will be overlooked if he has some counseling due to the fact he's a valued employee. That doesn't seem that big a deal really.
Take it a step further even if your audience never actually knows what this terrible deed is.
I picture part of this guy's M.O. would be in manipulating and getting one over those weaker than he is - in particular females - perhaps some sexual harassment - or worse even (ramp up the stakes - perhaps an alleged rape or act of indecency/assault) so that his job is really on the line. Whatever it is make it bad, even if it's only alluded to. I also wonder if it would another dimension if Simplot were in fact a female or if the supervisor (who we don't ever see) is female.
Likewise when Simplot is trying to intimidate Jessup but failing perhaps Simplot pulls something out of his hat. This would further ramp up the tension/battle of wits and thereby make Jessup's need for revenge (and what he does at the end) more potent and justified. Perhaps Simplot holds a trump-card or at least pretends to have some info on Jessup that no one else knows about - this would really threaten Jessup - doctors can often subpoena records and if he's been in trouble in the past then this info wouldn't be hard for him to come by.
Jessup sits quiet, but the anger might slowly be building in
his eyes.Apart from not being fond of the 'might' in description I got no sense at all that Jessup was feeling threatened at this early point. I think it's best to wait on that until something really threatening is in fact revealed. Perhaps give this guy a (show) instead of (tell) here - maybe a nervous twitch - something subtle that with time gets worse or becomes more noticeable.
Likewise on p6 I'm not sure you should have 'the anger rises again in jessup' - Like I said at this point I still picture him pretty cool. Simplot is the one who appears rattled.
Jessup reveals to Simplot exactly who is in relaying how he manipulated and bullied his own mother but perhaps if it was a worse recounting of events. Unless he's not revealing all of the story... Make sense? Make him dangerous.
Your story definitely packs a punch due to the rather gratuitous scene at the end. Your main character is obnoxious and possibly a sociopath and he sets out to get one over the other guy but I think this would be far more effective if there was more at stake for Jessup which would in turn justify what he does at the end.
A couple of issues of phrasing for me but I think this is probably a personal style thing.
This one:
'Pop runs straight through me
anymore'I think the word 'anymore' is superfluous - if you're referring to the character's inability to control his bladder at a previous time - in other words he doesn't have that control
anymore then it could be reworded to reflect that.
How does having better supervisors make his (Jessup's) tasks more important? I don't get that?
'gone in a heartbeat' is enough if you ask me without the pre-qualification of 'not even'.
If you can't start controlling 'these tantrums' or 'your temper' instead of 'your tantrums' - I dunno - maybe personal choice again.
'You're a young kid' would suffice as 'kid' or 'you're just a kid' - sounds even more condescending without the 'young' ironically, least imh.
'You're a crybaby. You're a crybaby in all sense of the word.' - 'every sense of the word.'
'You're a disgusting drinker' - I suppose this says it all but perhaps Jessup would be a little more articulate - something like: 'you clearly have issues with personal hygiene and your table manners belong in the gutter. Just a suggestion.
Also, I pictured Jessup just a little bit older - I don't know perhaps a little more life experience under his belt to reflect his conniving manipulative ways. And, some description of him would be good as I said above - you've got none at the moment.
As an aside to the above - I just finished watching The Fall - terrific series about a psychotic murderer/rapist. The lead role features Jamie Dornan - soon to be seen in Fifty Shades Of Grey - (which I will not be rushing to see btw) but the interesting point is that the character and casting of him is polar opposite of your stereotypical 'bad guy'. Usually bad guys are depicted as 'ugly on the inside, ugly on the outside' - this guy has matinée good looks and it works for the part and is mentioned in the story. How could someone this good looking be such a monster? You get the gist - I'm interested in how you picture your apprentice sociopath.
Love the final 'Am I pressing any buttons' line. The double entendre is terrific. Great finish!