SimplyScripts Discussion Board
Blog Home - Produced Movie Script Library - TV Scripts - Unproduced Scripts - Contact - Site Map
ScriptSearch
Welcome, Guest.
It is November 12th, 2018, 8:27pm
Please login or register.
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login
If you wish to join this discussion board, please send me a message. Please do read the guidelines that govern behavior on the discussion board. It will make for a much more pleasant experience for everyone. A word about SimplyScripts and Censorship


Scripts Studios are posting for award consideration
October OWC Who Wrote What and Writers Choice
And the Hyper Epic pick is...

The Night Gallery 7WC Scripts

Short Script of the Day | Featured Script of the Month | Featured Short Scripts Available for Production | Submit Your Script

How do I get my film's link and banner here?
All screenplays on the simplyscripts.com and simplyscripts.net domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
Forum Login
Username: Create a new Account
Password:     Forgot Password

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Radio and Stage Plays  ›  A Father's Love
Users Browsing Forum
No Members and 1 Guests

 Pages: 1
Recommend Print
  Author    A Father's Love  (currently 822 views)
Don
Posted: November 9th, 2016, 10:47pm Report to Moderator
Administrator
Administrator


So, what are you writing?

Location
Virginia
Posts
12549
Posts Per Day
1.93
A Father's Love by Bernard Mersier - Play - A father's love is a story about Tiffany Dryer. A teenager that's been raped by her father Michael, since she was a child. Her naive mother Vivian, is so wrapped up in Michael, she's unaware he's been raping their child. With her self-respect depleted, and Michael telling her she'll forever be a whore. Tiffany believes she'll never find love. 39 pages - pdf, format

Writer interested in feedback on this work



Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.


-------------
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky

Revision History (1 edits)
Don  -  April 20th, 2018, 9:43pm
revised draft
Logged
Site Private Message
Nomad
Posted: November 10th, 2016, 10:39am Report to Moderator
Green



Location
Los Angeles, California
Posts
536
Posts Per Day
0.20
Bernard,,

I made it to page 9 but the dialogue prevented me from continuing.

There's nothing natural about the way it sounds and it's just spewing exposition.

People rarely say exactly what they mean.

"Make sure you don’t give away daddy’s honey. Don’t even
think about telling your mother. As long as I stay
doing to her, what I do to you, she’ll never believe
you. Besides. Why would a father rape his own daughter?"

You might as well write:
"Hi, I'm Michael, and I'm a monster.  And I rape my daughter."

Additionally, why would having sex with the mother prevent the mother from suspecting the father of rape?  Is he that good at sex that the mother completely loses all sense of her surroundings and just blindly believes Michael?

Jordan


Read my scripts here:
SOCIAL EXPERIMENT 8pg-Drama
THE BRIDGE 8pg-Horror
SCHEISSE 6pg-Horror/Comedy
MADE FOR EACH OTHER-FILMED
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 1 - 4
Fausto
Posted: November 17th, 2016, 2:53pm Report to Moderator
Purple



Location
New Jersey
Posts
198
Posts Per Day
0.17
Bernard,
a difficult script to digest...maybe, it needs a revision.
Work on it.
Best, Fausto
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 2 - 4
Isiah
Posted: April 24th, 2018, 11:24am Report to Moderator
Red


Posts
10
Posts Per Day
0.04
First page was hella cringe to me. I couldn't read it all.
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 3 - 4
Gerlinde
Posted: May 6th, 2018, 2:43am Report to Moderator
Guest User



I am not sure if it should be a play or a radio play. Anyway, it's not a script. I find the topic interesting, however, as far as I can judge with my lousy English, unnatural (as far as the dialogues are concerned), and far-fetched (regarding the plot) Did you research before? When I approach a "hot" topic, I thoroughly research before. That's what I did on my screenplay, "A Child of Shame," about children of German Wehrmacht soldiers in occupied France; or in my script "The Priest", which was about homosexuality among Catholic priests.
Talk to those affected, read books about it. Show the fears of mother and daughter, and the perpetrator, why he does that (his motivation)? Then it will be a round work that moves people. And no work that gets stuck in stereotypes.
Logged
e-mail Reply: 4 - 4
 Pages: 1
Recommend Print

Locked Board Board Index    Radio and Stage Plays  [ previous | next ] Switch to:
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login

Forum Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post polls
You may not post attachments
HTML is on
Blah Code is on
Smilies are on


Powered by E-Blah Platinum 9.71B © 2001-2006