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Dhayi Baje Ki Yatra by Bijal Talekar - Comedy - In the darkness of the night, a curious young boy embarks on a transformative journey alongside his parents, unraveling a hidden world that reveals unexpected layers of wisdom, resilience, and untold stories within his own ancestral lineage. 13 pages - pdf format
New writer interested in feedback on this work, please be nice
ON BLACK: The sound of people's chit-chat mixed with wedding music. INT. BANQUET HALL - NIGHT FADE IN: The bright decorative hall fills with the sound
(Indent left) OVER BLACK:
The sound of people's chit-chat mixed with wedding music.
You need to FADE IN: before you write your scene heading. Nothing to see otherwise.
FADE IN:
INT. BANQUET HALL - NIGHT
The bright decorative hall fills with the sound of people chit-chatting, pandit ji chanting holy wedding mantras, & wedding songs playing in the background.
Suggest: Brightly decorated (no need to repeat 'hall' and maybe elaborate on the decorations a bit). Remove the 'sound' because you had that in your OVER BLACK opening and we can now see people and here the buzz, the mantras, chanting etc.
Perhaps give us the scale of the size of the wedding crowd e.g. 100 or 200 people? Would be written in full btw, one-hundred people.
Describe the layout of the hall/ballroom - stage area, guests dining etc.
ANJALI (43) Only CAP characters on intro, then it's lower case from then on.
the groom's parents (45-50) Write specific ages, not estimations. (45-50) (CON'T) (CONT'D) You don't really need these unless dialogue goes over the page.
CONTINUED: (2) You don't need these headers.
As far as your story goes I'm in the dark unfortunately. Your description/action is in English, but your dialogue is written in a language other than English so I cannot follow the plot.
I watched an Indian wedding recently and it was quite spectacular - particularly the colour and splendour of the congregation's outfits.
Welcome to SS. Do you have complete English language scripts?