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Thanks Don. This screenplay has now been optioned.
My Screenplays Two Moons The Deadly Fruit Of Original Sin The Blue Room No Time For Love The Source The Pearl Earring The Bigger The Storm Before She Died
Thanks Don. This screenplay has now been optioned.
Wow, John! That's fabulous! Congratulations!
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My Screenplays Two Moons The Deadly Fruit Of Original Sin The Blue Room No Time For Love The Source The Pearl Earring The Bigger The Storm Before She Died
It felt a bit strange that his wife asked him if he wanted to go to the toilet instead of him just saying "I'm breaking my neck for a piss, back in a minute" or words to that affect.
The youths went in, never left then re-entered ????
I was confused about the FLASHBACK because that didn't happen. I had to read it again to realise it was supposed to be a dream sequence. The other thing that I didn't get was how she knew it was her husbands watch? There was nothing specific about it.
I also didn't get why his wife had to go for a meal and not just ask him about the watch and where he got it when she noticed it.
Just my opinion but I think it would have been good to have a "Police" type banging on their front door so we know he hasn't gotten away with it and that he stabbed the boy for nothing.
Anyway apart from that, well done on getting it optioned
Thanks AJ. My wife always checks the itemised bill while I use the toilet. It’s just something we do so it’s not unheard of. The youths reentered from the cubicles. You are quite right about the flashback scene. It is a dream sequence. I stand corrected. Ruth knows it’s the watch because she bought it. She was waiting her moment when the nice old man engaged her. Hope this helps.
My Screenplays Two Moons The Deadly Fruit Of Original Sin The Blue Room No Time For Love The Source The Pearl Earring The Bigger The Storm Before She Died
She may have bought it but there is nothing to unique about it so it would look just like any other Rolex. I think you could have had someone ask the time and he says something like "ten past eight, oh sorry no it's ten past seven. Sorry this crack looks like a hand"
Or maybe when the "Youth" takes the watch he says "Tenner for a snide with a crack, fuck off" then they all kick him. Maybe his intials on the top link, just something so she would recognise it at a glance.
Thanks for all your comments and questions. Taken on board.
All English. Some slang terms used.
My Screenplays Two Moons The Deadly Fruit Of Original Sin The Blue Room No Time For Love The Source The Pearl Earring The Bigger The Storm Before She Died