Jeepers Creepers III: Here Comes The Bogeyman by Zack Akers & Sean Elwood - Horror - Set 23 years after Jeepers Creepers 2, the land of the burned-down church and underground pit of petrified dead bodies, is now a developing neighborhood. And the Creeper is back, ready to feed once again.

Don't be afraid.



Writers interested in feedback on this work

Zack and Sean, I will have some feedback for you, probably tomorrow. Well done, guys!

Looking forward to hearing your thoughts, Libby!

Shouldn't this be Jeepers Creepers IV?
I believe part Three was made?

Anyway, I'll launch right in.

SPOILERS FOLLOW:



So, to begin with perhaps mention where we are in the USA? I take it we're still in Michigan? And add a bit more atmosphere.

I came away from this thinking you could add some pages. At 75 pages it's very lean even for a Horror, but I think you could add some length to your opening. It all happens pretty fast and I think building the suspense could be the way to go. Perhaps with establishing/developing all the players a bit more, and maybe extending with more scenes between Hunter and Chloe.

The dialogue between Ron and Hunter is nice from the get-go. I particularly liked the 'spring into action' retort from Dad. But I'd build on the character dynamic between father and son a bit more - perhaps more is going on than just teenage angst in this tale. Considering Hunter essentially plays a big role in this story and loses both his parents to the Creeper creating more of a relationship here would be good. I'm not saying stick an ankle bracelet on him, but more of a lead-in to when the crap hits the fan.

Perhaps also an additional scene with Trish.

I'd set the whole housing development up a bit more, add in where we are Michigan (even though die-hard fans should know this) and pay a bit more attention to the actual estate.

'Skeletal structures' features throughout your story.
I think more details could be given to paint the picture of the  new housing estate just via more visuals. How many lots are there - how many partially built homes. Perhaps some have only the foundations laid, walls and rafters on some, and only concrete slabs on others, make mention of equipment like excavating machines, concrete mixers... I'm assuming it's a weekend so no workmen are about? For Sale signs, Sold signs scattered about. Maybe it's a gated community? That could add some irony given nothing can keep the Creeper out but it could definitely add some jeopardy if some of the Creeper's victims cannot escape, or Trish and the cavalry have trouble getting in.

He passes THE CROWLEY HOME.
Maybe add that this is another home built to completion. How far is this home from Hunter's place?

MALERY CROWLEY (34)
Is there a reason for the odd spelling of this name? I know you guys in the US are often not traditional where names are concerned but I did start to have trouble remembering who was who. Naming characters is important and I'm not sure this couple's names are distinctive enough.

Two bodies lie on the ground.
I keep mentioning the lie/lay thing...

Onto the Safe that Trish has built. Safe does not conjure a strong enough image in my mind.  Strongbox or vault, maybe constructed from fortified steel, does. Maybe consider ramping this up?

Naked dancing woman? (more on this below)
Match cut? Is it?
Malery Mallory - I covered that one.

By the way, why is Trish's son (Darry) not in this? Surely they'd make a great double act. She lost her brother and named her son after him so I kinda think there'd be a synchronicity to that. He would have grown up with the story of The Creeper, and Trish's obsession with it.

Okay guys, now I guess you're following the tried and true trope (a bit of alliteration of my own) of showing some T&A in your horror but actually who exercises naked?

Britney’s boobies bounce in the bubbling bath (nice little bit of alliteration) but really, guys?  
At least she is in a hot tub where nudity is expected, but apparently not some equality with her husband?

BRITNEY
Jim James Walters! I know you
haven’t been smoking! Do you want
another graft?! Ooh, wait until I
tell Dr. Andrews.
Shouldn't this be 'have' been smoking?

Why is a 23 year old girl married to a 59 year old man? In my mind you're going to need to do something more with this relationship. And, why the graft?What happened to him?

The Creeper stalks after her. It moves with long strides,
quick, with purpose.

This is not really sinister enough imho. Even if you take away the two words that actually reduce the sinister quality - 'quick with purpose'.

This (below) is great:
BOOM!
Sparks fly from the grill of the truck.
BOOM!
A headlight shatters.
BOOM!
The windshield puffs out shards as the bullets pierce it.
BOOM!
More sparks, smoke, and a lingering ringing sound.
Ron stops short of the truck.
He cocks the shotgun once more, then slowly makes his way
toward the driver side of the truck.

Ron walks up to the door...

Just get rid of the slow stuff, anything that includes: 'walks', replace it with a more powerful verb. Imho.

Out of order notes:

Hunter needs to register more shock, perhaps hunker down, stifle his own scream when he witnesses Britney being snatched.

The Creeper, hunched over Britney’s dead body. Its wings have
been rebuilt, most likely by Jim’s skin graft.
Most likely does not belong in your script. (You're going to have to show this perhaps by its colour?) Or grotesquely show how the Creeper uses human body-parts to patch itself up. This is, after all the folklore of the beast.

You need a bit more of a segue to the Creeper, and Scott's truck bursting into flames.

P36 "He begins to run back toward his house."
Suggest: He tears off running towards the house.

No, toward Ron, who sprints as fast as he can!
No, toward?

Ron walks toward the truck. He pumps the shotgun.
Again, I'd look for stronger verbs.
Good moment here:
He yanks the door open!
Nobody’s inside.
Ron spins around toward the empty neighborhood.

The creeper unlocks the door as...
Wouldn't it just smash through that door?
The Creeper sniffs the air, in her direction. The slit on its
nose breathes with it.
What's that mean?

Lisa, watches the Creeper through the window.
No comma needed.

My dad has a CV radio in his
basement! We gotta call for help!
CB radio?

the bone juts out the skin.
I think you could more with that to show the open flesh.

The car, twisted like a tin can and engulfed.
Engulfed in flames?

Amber GASPS awake! For real this time.
(Delete 'for real this time').

P44 I can't help thinking Trish would have warned the new community. Maybe the refuse to believe her.
And that after your opening (deaths) the cops would be surveiling the area and Trish would be right onto this.

What's the relationship between Teague and Trish?

TRISH
Attacked? What is it? An animal!?
Really? Trish says this? That makes her sound a bit daft.
Does Trish really have no idea where the new housing development is?

"Lisa suddenly steps in between the Creeper and the two teens."
She was in the doorway a moment ago so you need to have her fly across the yard etc.

Guerra looks on at the creature before him p49 Where'd he come from?

TEAGUE p52
You’re gonna let that go, are you?
I assume you mean: You're never gonna let that go, are you?

Hunter scrambles over behind the wheel.
Suggest:Hunter scrambles into the front seat gets behind the wheel.

Amber practically hyperventilates behind him.
l guarantee on-screen she will be hyperventilating.  Avoid writing what a character 'nearly' does. Amber hyperventilates. Leave 'practically' out of it.

Trish watches, kisses her teeth.
I know what this means but it never accomplishes the visual imho.

TRISH
Don’t be afraid.
I think she should offer more here. Meaning if you show fear, you're dead.

She offers her shotgun to him.
She's not offering him coffee. She should thrust the shotgun into his lap.

Large stadium lights BLAST on and shine down onto the
scarecrow riddled property and illuminates hole with the safe
in the backyard.
You could describe this more eloquently.

A lung splats onto the ground.
A stomach lands nearby.
We'll just see chunks of blood and viscera. At least if you want to describe something easily identifiable it'd be intestines, but otherwise it's blood and guts.

TRISH
(to Hunter and Amber)
Plan A just went out the fuckin’
window! Time for plan B!
Would be better considering the Creeper is upon them as just:
Time for Plan B!

HUNTER
NO!?
I would personally avoid the interrobang.

TRISH GRABS THE MONSTER FROM BEHIND! She holds tight and falls backwards, DRAGS THE STUNNED CREEPER INTO THE FIRE! And just like that, its gone.

I'd drag this visual of it plummeting to its death out more. And especially that Trish is sucked into oblivion along with it. I only just realised what happened. (see below)Pivotal moment, needs more oomph.

The section at the bottom of p72/top of 73 - is Trish dead? Okay after re-reading she dragged it backwards into the pit and went in with it.

And just like that, its gone. (Typo)
And just like that, it's gone. (it's). And so is she.  Bummer, my heroine is gone.

Malery’s charred corpse lays face down on a lawn..
Lies facedown

Amber lays across the back seat
Amber lies across the back seat.
You need to lay back down
You need to lie back down

So, overall I love it.
I do think things could do with fleshing out more - your opening specifically; the calm before the storm, sightings of the Creeper when Hunter and Chloe are oblivious, the deep dark cavern beneath the pipe,  the character's relationships a little bit etc. We need to care about these characters before they die, to know them a bit more.

I loved the ending, very nicely done.


But then afterwards I thought 'how the hell did he get out so gast'?

I'm not sure if you could do something clever there but the thought lingered... Which probably would with your audience, despite the Creeper basically being unkillable. I suppose it could have rebuilt itself with Trish's body-parts. Maybe a quick flash to her (as much as I hate to say it) desecrated body?

Anyway, great job, guys. It's an easy read. I''m glad you said to heck with the 'rules' and included your music choices, and stuck with many of The Creeper's tropes which fans will recognise. A nice little homage to Alien with the lick to the face. Hmm, Freddy too.

Hope some of this helps. Jmho, of course.

Hey, Libby!

We really appreciate you taking the time out of your day to read the script and leave a review here. You're awesome.
Sean and I discussed your review and we've come to pretty much the same conclusion. We're very confused. I'll elaborate...

"Shouldn't this be Jeepers Creepers IV?
I believe part Three was made?"

Yes, there was already a Part 3 released back in 2017. And it's AWFUL. There was also a fourth film released in 2022, a reboot titled Jeepers Creepers: Reborn. The reboot is one of the worst horror films I've ever seen. As we stated back on the Work In Progress thread page... "We've decided to disregard the real part 3 and 'Reborn' and write our own third film." I suppose we should have made a note of that in the logline, though I thought it was pretty clear what our intentions are with this fan-script. We want to give fans of the first two films, a PROPER "twenty-three years later" sequel. We're both extremely proud of what we were able to come up with here.

"So, to begin with perhaps mention where we are in the USA? I take it we're still in Michigan?"

Huh? This really confused both Sean and I. ALL of the Jeepers Creepers films take place in Florida.

"I came away from this thinking you could add some pages. At 75 pages it's very lean even for a Horror."

100% agree. This is a very early draft. Again, I should have made that clear.

"...add in where we are Michigan (even though die-hard fans should know this)..."

Did I mention that we are EXTREMELY confused by parts of your review? Lol.

'Skeletal structures' features throughout your story.
"I think more details could be given to paint the picture of the  new housing estate just via more visuals. How many lots are there - how many partially built homes. Perhaps some have only the foundations laid, walls and rafters on some, and only concrete slabs on others, make mention of equipment like excavating machines, concrete mixers... I'm assuming it's a weekend so no workmen are about? For Sale signs, Sold signs scattered about."

Totally agree here! Great advice. We'll definitely punch this aspect up with the next draft.

"Two bodies lie on the ground. I keep mentioning the lie/lay thing..."

Yeah, I'll forever struggle with this. Sorry. Lol.

"Onto the Safe that Trish has built. Safe does not conjure a strong enough image in my mind.  Strongbox or vault, maybe constructed from fortified steel, does. Maybe consider ramping this up?"

Another good point.

"Match cut? Is it?"

It is. Do you disagree?

"MALERY CROWLEY (34). Is there a reason for the odd spelling of this name? I know you guys in the US are often not traditional where names are concerned but I did start to have trouble remembering who was who. Naming characters is important and I'm not sure this couple's names are distinctive enough."

Names are spelled in all sorts of different ways. Hell, new names are made up every day. Not sure how to make the names more distinct. They both begin with different letters and have a different amount of syllables.

"By the way, why is Trish's son (Darry) not in this? Surely they'd make a great double act. She lost her brother and named her son after him so I kinda think there'd be a synchronicity to that. He would have grown up with the story of The Creeper, and Trish's obsession with it."

So... This part of your review particularly threw both Sean and I for a loop. Trish has never had a son named Darry, not even in the real (awful) part 3. I believe you are thinking of an early script for Jeepers Creepers 3 (the real, awful one) that Victor Salva wrote. That script was completely rewritten and what we got was a weird prequel set in between Jeepers Creepers 1 and 2. The real Jeepers Creepers 3 fucking sucks. I hate it so much that I wrote this script with Sean. It was extremely cathartic.

"Britney’s boobies bounce in the bubbling bath (nice little bit of alliteration) but really, guys?"

Hey, Sean's a Goddamn artist with his words! LMAO.  

"BRITNEY
Jim James Walters! I know you haven’t been smoking! Do you want another graft?! Ooh, wait until I tell Dr. Andrews.
Shouldn't this be 'have' been smoking?"

No, I don't think so.

"Why is a 23 year old girl married to a 59 year old man? In my mind you're going to need to do something more with this relationship. And, why the graft? What happened to him?"

I guess that's what we get for showing and not telling, huh? Lol. Thought it was pretty obvious what the dynamic of their relationship is. Jim's a rich, sleazy douchebag who just had a graft to get rid of some skin cancer, and Britney is his gold-digging bimbo wife. LMAO. I'm very proud of these characters. We had a blast creating them.

"Just get rid of the slow stuff, anything that includes: 'walks', replace it with a more powerful verb. Imho."

More great advice. This will be fixed in the next draft.

"Hunter needs to register more shock, perhaps hunker down, stifle his own scream when he witnesses Britney being snatched."

Another great point!

"The Creeper, hunched over Britney’s dead body. Its wings have been rebuilt, most likely by Jim’s skin graft.
Most likely does not belong in your script. (You're going to have to show this perhaps by its colour?) Or grotesquely show how the Creeper uses human body-parts to patch itself up. This is, after all the folklore of the beast."

Gonna give you some pushback here. We're not breaking any rules, in terms of screenwriting or the Creeper's mythology. "Most likely" may not be necessary, but it adds a little flavor. Also, sometimes it's necessary to add a word or rephrase the sentence in order to avoid an orphan.

"You need a bit more of a segue to the Creeper, and Scott's truck bursting into flames."

Agree here as well. That moment needs more oomph!

"My dad has a CV radio in his basement! We gotta call for help!
CB radio?"

That's embarrassing. Lol. That mistake is on me.

"Amber GASPS awake! For real this time.
(Delete 'for real this time')."

Disagree here. "For real this time." is there to disguise the repetition, making for a smoother read.

"P44 I can't help thinking Trish would have warned the new community. Maybe the refuse to believe her.
And that after your opening (deaths) the cops would be surveiling the area and Trish would be right onto this."

Disagree here as well. Let me explain...

1. The old church burnt down during the events of the first film, 23 years ago. The pit where the bodies were found was filled in with concrete soon after. Trish knows there's nothing left there for the Creeper.
2. Shady Acres, while not far from Trish's trailer, is still relatively new (hell, people have only just moved there within the past month or so). Entirely plausible that she's simply unaware of its existence, at least IMO.
3. She knows where the Creeper is, on the barn wall at Taggart's Farm. That's a good bit away from her trailer and Shady Acres.
4. She's less interested in saving a bunch of strangers than she is in getting revenge on the Creeper. That might be kind of shitty, but it's honest.

"What's the relationship between Teague and Trish?"

Complicated. Lol. They've hooked up a few times in the past, but that was years ago. We are planning on punching up this dynamic and making it more clear. I'd also like to make it clear that Teague was present at the end of the original Jeepers Creepers (he was one of the cops who survived the attack on the police station).

"Lisa suddenly steps in between the Creeper and the two teens."
She was in the doorway a moment ago so you need to have her fly across the yard etc."

Hmm. I'll see if we can't rephrase this and make it more clear what you are supposed to be seeing.

"Guerra looks on at the creature before him p49 Where'd he come from?"

Another note that really confused us. Look at the context of this line of prose...

INSIDE THE VEHICLES --

Teague stares on intensely, a dreadful memory he’s never been able to forget.

Guerra looks on at the creature before him, a terrible rumor come to life.

And Trish, feeling a combination of so many emotions, from the fear she’d felt when she first met the Creeper, to the anger of the vengeance she wants to commit on it.


Now, with that context, why is it the line with Guerra that confuses you? Are you saying you don't know which of the vehicles he's in? He's in the SUV with Teague, as we previously established (though I suppose we could mention that he's AGAIN riding with Teague...).

"Amber practically hyperventilates behind him.
l guarantee on-screen she will be hyperventilating.  Avoid writing what a character 'nearly' does. Amber hyperventilates. Leave 'practically' out of it."

Again, we're not really breaking any rules here. It's a style thing.

"TRISH
Don’t be afraid.
I think she should offer more here. Meaning if you show fear, you're dead."

To be honest, I like our version of this line. Short and simple. Too much could get cheesy fast, and we'd like to avoid that.

"Large stadium lights BLAST on and shine down onto the scarecrow riddled property and illuminates hole with the safe in the backyard.
You could describe this more eloquently."

For sure. We initially intended for the setup of the scarecrows to pay off later, with the Creeper using them for camouflage, but we could never make the scene fit.

"TRISH GRABS THE MONSTER FROM BEHIND! She holds tight and falls backwards, DRAGS THE STUNNED CREEPER INTO THE FIRE! And just like that, its gone.

I'd drag this visual of it plummeting to its death out more. And especially that Trish is sucked into oblivion along with it. I only just realised what happened. (see below)Pivotal moment, needs more oomph."

Definitely agree here. We need to make this moment a BIG DEAL. I think we can pull it off.

"Malery’s charred corpse lays face down on a lawn..
Lies facedown
Amber lays across the back seat
Amber lies across the back seat.
You need to lay back down
You need to lie back down"

I'll never, ever, EVER get this straight. Even reading your corrections, I'm confused as to which is correct and which is wrong. Lol. I apologize for my smooth brain.

"So, overall I love it."

Back to being confused AF again. You loved it!? Shit. Could have fooled us! LMAO.

Seriously though... Thank you for reading this, Libby. We both appreciate it very much. A lot of good notes here that are going to be very helpful with the rewrite, which we plan to have ready by the 23rd anniversary of the original film's release.

I'm gonna go lay down now. ;P

Well, I did love it... I just wanted more. And I hear you that this is not a final draft.

The Internet is not always right and clearly you guys know more about The Creeper than me. No contest. I'm a big fan of the original and the sequel.

The Michigan connection comes from the original inspiration for the script:
https://www.truecrimeedition.com/post/dennis-depue
So, my mistake.

My mistake also with Trish having a son also called Darry (this was floated as a part of JC 3) that said there was only a Trish cameo at the end and no mention whatsoever of a son in the actual film, so I hear... I've never seen it. Thinking about it though I don't think it's a bad idea, even though the film obviously was.

With regard to the lie/lay usage, no need to apologise. Even the Pros do it which I find annoying. Tips here if you want them.
https://www.quickanddirtytips.com/articles/lay-versus-lie/

Anyway, I seem to have annoyed you guys more than anything which was not my intention. Partly down to me getting my wires crossed.

I don't get stuck on screenwriting rules I just give my opinion on what I think works and what I think could be made clearer or more effective and entertaining.

I'm pleased some of my feedback was helpful.
And I look forward to the next draft.
I wish you both much success with this not least because I'd love to see another Jeepers Creeper's film that is actually good.

Sorry for the delayed response.

"Anyway, I seem to have annoyed you guys more than anything which was not my intention. Partly down to me getting my wires crossed."

Absolutely not! Just confused us, that's all! Like you said, some wires got crossed. No harm, no foul. It happens to me ALL the time. Lol. We both greatly appreciate your review and notes. I apologize if my response seemed snarky or mean-spirited. Promise that wasn't my intention!

I saw your post, asking about the Old Church and the pit underneath, and whether or not that's where the Creeper "hybernates." I believe that's what Victor Salva was implying when Darry was exploring the pit and came across what looked to me like a large sarcophagus, with some creeper-esque images carved all over it. I believe that's where the Creeper had been staying for at least the past few centuries. It's also implied in the first film that the Creeper is the one who set the church on fire. Then, at the end of the first film, it's established that the Creeper has a new location(where he kills Darry). So, in my mind, I think the Creeper will move his "sanctuary" if he feels it's been discovered. I hope that answers the question you had.

All good.
The only thing I was going to suggest is along the lines that you've set this in a new housing estate in close proximity to the Creeper's killing grounds maybe you could incorporate that somehow in the same vein Spielberg did with Poltergeist. I'm not saying in that exact way, but... Stigmatized homes, in this case properties. Real estate agents only in some states have to disclose under law if something horrific has gone down.

You could maybe link it/add theme with sacred ground v the almighty dollar (greed). Jim has an obvious beef with Scott and his view. I'm going to assume it's his development? Maybe Scott knew about the history of the land, nobody else did, ke kept it a secret cause it's a goldmine? Maybe it came cheap etc. He does get his just desserts but you could milk it more in a longer draft.

The other thing is to do with Hunter and the fact he nearly died. I know you've linked his accident with his newfound fearlessness here:

HUNTER
"I was being stupid. A dare. I
jumped off a cliff into water. Er,
was supposed to.
(beat)
I got scared. Pussied out, and
rolled down the cliff instead. Heh.
Got knocked out and almost drowned.
Chloe waits for more as he reminisces the memory.
HUNTER
People do stupid things when
they’re scared. I learned not to be
afraid after that."

This is just my opinion but might it be stronger if Hunter is still scared from that traumatic experience he had, and he has to step up and be brave when he's finally tested in this situation? I do understand what you've done here (with the conversation with Chloe) - he got over his fear, Creeper feeds on fear etc., but it's like his character evolvement/arc is already proven.

Because of this we kinda know Hunter's not going to ever be in any real peril. It might be good to see him gain his courage as your narrative progresses and become a hero instead of the fact he always was.

Btw, I'm still cranky Trish doesn't survive.

Oh, and I take back one other thing I read wrongly re Jim getting out of the jacuzzi - he is butt-arse naked. I read it initially that he had shorts on. Well done!

Obviously feel free to say nope to all that.

"The only thing I was going to suggest is along the lines that you've set this in a new housing estate in close proximity to the Creeper's killing grounds maybe you could incorporate that somehow in the same vein Spielberg did with Poltergeist. I'm not saying in that exact way, but... Stigmatized homes, in this case properties. Real estate agents only in some states have to disclose under law if something horrific has gone down.

You could maybe link it/add theme with sacred ground v the almighty dollar (greed). Jim has an obvious beef with Scott and his view. I'm going to assume it's his development? Maybe Scott knew about the history of the land, nobody else did, ke kept it a secret cause it's a goldmine? Maybe it came cheap etc. He does get his just desserts but you could milk it more in a longer draft."

We actually already have that stuff in the script, though perhaps we were a bit too subtle. On page 21, the dinner scene with Hunter and his parents. When Hunter tries to bring up what Chloe said, Ron quickly changes the subject, and then Hunter gives his father a curious look. Maybe I could squeeze in a quick follow-up scene where Hunter confronts his father...

"This is just my opinion but might it be stronger if Hunter is still scared from that traumatic experience he had, and he has to step up and be brave when he's finally tested in this situation? I do understand what you've done here (with the conversation with Chloe) - he got over his fear, Creeper feeds on fear etc., but it's like his character evolvement/arc is already proven."

You're not wrong. We were aware of this potential issue when we created Hunter. We'll see if we can't sneak a hint of fear in there somewhere. After all, a hint is all the Creeper would need.

Love all these notes and suggestions, Libby! Keep them coming! Helping a ton with this next draft, which we will have ready soon!