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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    One Week Challenge    May, 2020 Challenge  ›  Covert-19 - May OWC Moderators: Administrator
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  Author    Covert-19 - May OWC  (currently 237 views)
PKCardinal
Posted: May 19th, 2020, 5:39pm Report to Moderator
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I don't have anything to add. I'll just say, I enjoyed the twist. It made the script. Otherwise, I agree -- the dialogue was overwhelming in its weight.

Could probably cut 2 pages and get more punch.

Still, really fun idea.


PaulKWrites.com

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khamanna
Posted: May 19th, 2020, 6:44pm Report to Moderator
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This dwells on a twist. If not a twist it wouldn't be a memorable story.
So, not for me I guess.
I think that even stories like that should entice you to read. Maybe the characters were more captivating I wouldn't have the urge to skip Stephen's banter.
All in all a good story but kind of felt long.
Written well. I guess he just talked too much. And she lacked drive and was kind of bland.
Maybe if he talked about something that had more texture and was about something.
And still, a good story.
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Rob
Posted: May 21st, 2020, 10:10pm Report to Moderator
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I like the idea of vampires not only sucking our blood, but also draining our 401Ks periodically. It's also interesting that vampires are mad at stay at home protesters. The basic idea is worthwhile to explore--vampires in a pandemic. I think I like the concept most of all.
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ajr
Posted: May 24th, 2020, 12:24pm Report to Moderator
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Hey all,

Thanks for the read. I just re-read the comments and there are some differing opinions, however all the advice is good. Taking this one under the hood.

For someone that usually writes characters and dialogue, mostly, this is my 2nd short script about vampires. (Kudos to Pia for sniffing me out as the author.)

This started out in my head as a comedy, but it wasn't working. I had the twist at the end all along... and I've always had that hunting riff written, looking for a place to insert it. And then I thought, hunters and vampires as a parallel.

I took great pains to make sure that all the actors were distanced, and that the sets were not that elaborate. I think the scenes with the man on the table could be filmed creatively.

Stephen was a bit over the top, however I wrote him as a vampire, and that was the vampire voice inside my head.  Also, his name was carefully chosen (hint, hint).

And Julie, in my mind, is not a vampire.

Also, worst. title. ever. Could not think of anything to call this without giving the ending away.

AJR


Click HERE to read JOHN LENNON'S HEAVEN https://preview.tinyurl.com/John-Lennon-s-Heaven-110-pgs/

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ajr  -  May 24th, 2020, 7:21pm
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