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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    One Week Challenge    September, 2020 One Week Challenge  ›  Spiro - OWC Moderators: LC
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ReneC
Posted: September 23rd, 2020, 4:17pm Report to Moderator
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I was on board for the first couple of pages of dialogue. Then it got weird, which was intentional, but it also alienated me. Without any footing for the dialogue and the action it quickly became a jumbled, confusing mess.

Some other twist ending would have been satisfying. For me, just watching them die isn't satisfying. Even the wrap up with Doukas didn't cap it off well, it's entirely tacked on without any real meaning.

Great start, fizzled for me.


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Warren
Posted: September 23rd, 2020, 8:40pm Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients


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Good characterization with dialogue that felt pretty authentic for what you were going for. Cant say I completely got it.

Not bad, but not sure it will be up the top when the chips fall.


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Grandma Bear
Posted: September 26th, 2020, 4:45pm Report to Moderator
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This is just the second script for me. I liked the writing. Short and crisp. The dialogue was great, IMO. I enjoyed reading it. Not much of a story though, but this OWC was all about dialogue, so I think you did a great job. I don't really have any suggestions other than perhaps make the story better.  


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