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Spiro - OWC (currently 855 views)
ReneC
Posted: September 23rd, 2020, 4:17pm
Old Timer
Location Vancouver, BC
Posts 1435
Posts Per Day 0.31
I was on board for the first couple of pages of dialogue. Then it got weird, which was intentional, but it also alienated me. Without any footing for the dialogue and the action it quickly became a jumbled, confusing mess.
Reply: 15 - 17
Warren
Posted: September 23rd, 2020, 8:40pm
Of The Ancients
A man who has taught his mind to misbehave
Location Sydney, Australia
Posts 3897
Posts Per Day 1.35
Good characterization with dialogue that felt pretty authentic for what you were going for. Cant say I completely got it.
Reply: 16 - 17
Grandma Bear
Posted: September 26th, 2020, 4:45pm
Administrator Location The Swamp...
Posts 7962
Posts Per Day 1.35
This is just the second script for me. I liked the writing. Short and crisp. The dialogue was great, IMO. I enjoyed reading it. Not much of a story though, but this OWC was all about dialogue, so I think you did a great job. I don't really have any suggestions other than perhaps make the story better.
Reply: 17 - 17
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