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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    One Week Challenge    October, 2008 One Week Challenge  ›  OWC - Shut Up and Be Devoured Like a Man
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  Author    OWC - Shut Up and Be Devoured Like a Man  (currently 2687 views)
Cazale
Posted: October 26th, 2008, 11:18am Report to Moderator
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"Jasper the alcholic gravedigger" I laughed out loud reading that.  This one was really funny.  I love the part of them breaking into the studio and nobody caring to even look up until they shoot off a round.  

Leaving the door to the studio open so everyone can be devoured is a bit of an over reaction on the boys' part. The people are mean yes but helping them be devoured by zombies is a bit much.  I agree with some of the other people that the dialoge at the begining was a bit awkward but it got better as the script went on.

Overall though it was a really fun read.


--Jessie

"Life is short, Art is long"
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Sandra Elstree.
Posted: October 27th, 2008, 11:16pm Report to Moderator
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What if the Hokey Pokey, IS what it's all about?

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I absolutely loved the dialogue in the beginning of this!

But later:

When Oswald says, "This filthy drunk is right." I'm wondering why.

And there was no reaction from Jasper afterwards. He just disappeared it seemed.

I think on page 7 the story started to fall apart. I didn't understand the elaborate prank because the shotgun seemed to work as far as I could see. It didn't make any sense then. By the time the priest and his merry followers are trooping up the street, I was lost as to what was going on.

Just work out the story a little more and keep up with the excellent dialogue work.

Sandra




A known mistake is better than an unknown truth.
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