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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    One Week Challenge    October, 2008 One Week Challenge  ›  OWC - Night of the Skullmen
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  Author    OWC - Night of the Skullmen  (currently 1229 views)
Don
Posted: October 19th, 2008, 11:29am Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Night of the Skullmen by Mykle Van Hausen (mvh) - Short, Young Adult, Horror - Jeremy and Sherridan fight to survive and warn their friends of costumed men quietly spreading horror through their small town on Halloween night. 11 pages - doc, format


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Revision History (2 edits; 1 reasons shown)
Don  -  October 31st, 2008, 9:07am
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BryMo
Posted: October 19th, 2008, 12:01pm Report to Moderator
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Hey Mykle Van Hausen.

I hope thats a fake name...becuase this is supposed to remain anonymous. Also your headings aren't exactly formatted correctly. Reading further none of it is formatted correctly. I have to say, i'm trying to read through and i'm sort of just bothered that its a slight struggle.

I'd just say to read more scripts and get a feel for them.

-Bryan.


Shorts:
Good Golly Miss Molly
No Place Like Home
New Moon Rising
Yuno - BRAND-*SPANKIN*-NEW!
The Ballad of Uncle Sam: An Anarchists Melody
Toy Soldier
This Modern Love
A Virgin State of Mind

A GUIDE TO MY LITERARY BABIES

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Don  -  October 19th, 2008, 4:11pm
modified post to remove now irrelevant material due to fake name change.
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MBCgirl
Posted: October 19th, 2008, 12:35pm Report to Moderator
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Some things are better left to the imagination!

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First I want to say "thanks" for early christmas presents to read today!


The review:  It was a little difficult to read this due to formatting.  Not a lot of talking, mostly discription of scenes.  What I do get about Jeremy and Sherridan is that they are boyfriend and girlfriend trying to escape the skull men, they tell everyone at the dance that "they're here" and at least "they know". There was no explanation, no true "meat" to the story, but I think expanded, there is a good idea in there.  It just needed more for me...and I realize with limited pages it is a bit hard.


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fuzzylovin
Posted: October 19th, 2008, 12:48pm Report to Moderator
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I like the story idea, it was a little hard to read with the format and it did bore me little since i broke out into song half way through ... not sure why ....


... A good story can only be written by the character's that walk inside the words ....
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Dreamscale
Posted: October 19th, 2008, 5:45pm Report to Moderator
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Where to begin?

As others have already noted, formatting is terrible.  Mistakes on every page.  Absolutely no clue what is supposedly going on here...seriously...no clue.  Many "new" scenes don't have new scene headings, which make it impossible to follow.

I am seriously curious as Hell to find out what the idea is behind this.


To ski or not to ski...that's not even a question.
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pwhitcroft
Posted: October 19th, 2008, 8:55pm Report to Moderator
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This is hard to read. For the formatting software is the thing to do. I'm told that celtx software is free. I think the thing I found most irritating were the spelling mistakes that the automatic underlining thing highlighted because they are easily fixed.

The story suffers by being lost in the description.


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walford
Posted: October 19th, 2008, 9:36pm Report to Moderator
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This is fast paced thinking on the run which can leave people behind. However, if you could turn some of the description into dialogue get the formatting right, then this fast paced story would really power home. Iím of the of opinion that you can only really explain so much, then you have to tell it. Some people demand to know the inís and outís of every fine detail which can be detract from the creative approach. I think the audience can fill in the gaps with a bit of Ďaudience logicí I mean we canít start writing every story with Ďin a galaxy far far wayí.  I liked your ballsy approach to the challenge. (if you are female its still ballsy)  Raw but creative.  Cheers Walford
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Shelton
Posted: October 21st, 2008, 6:42pm Report to Moderator
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Okay, the format is definitely off, but I wouldn't say that it was so bad that it was hard to read, like the others did.  It wasn't completely terrible.  Take the advice of the previous poster and look into getting Celtx though.  It'll put everything in its proper place.

As far as the story goes, you definitely kept in line with the challenge, and I thought the skull men were pretty interesting.

I think you could have done a better job of describing your main characters, since there isn't anything in there that describes their ages or anything.  Sherridan's age would've definitely been more helpful than the fact that she has long, brown hair.

Anyway, I'm going to take a guess that this was written by someone who is still really, really new to screenwriting, and I think given that, you did a good job.  


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Sandra Elstree.
Posted: October 28th, 2008, 12:41pm Report to Moderator
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What if the Hokey Pokey, IS what it's all about?

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Night of the Skullmen

First off, you need to set up a context. I don't have a clue what's going on and it gets too frustrating to read.

The following is well written action:

Instinctively, he shields Sherridan as a blinding silent flash goes off and shakes the room. Red tracers punch holes in the ceiling.

Jeremy needs to be introduced properly.

Learn how to clarify the characters because they are what drives a story most of the time.

Sandra



A known mistake is better than an unknown truth.
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