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Night of the Skullmen by Mykle Van Hausen (mvh) - Short, Young Adult, Horror - Jeremy and Sherridan fight to survive and warn their friends of costumed men quietly spreading horror through their small town on Halloween night. 11 pages - doc, format
I hope thats a fake name...becuase this is supposed to remain anonymous. Also your headings aren't exactly formatted correctly. Reading further none of it is formatted correctly. I have to say, i'm trying to read through and i'm sort of just bothered that its a slight struggle.
I'd just say to read more scripts and get a feel for them.
Shorts: Good Golly Miss Molly No Place Like Home New Moon Rising Yuno - BRAND-*SPANKIN*-NEW! The Ballad of Uncle Sam: An Anarchists Melody Toy Soldier This Modern Love A Virgin State of Mind
First I want to say "thanks" for early christmas presents to read today!
The review: It was a little difficult to read this due to formatting. Not a lot of talking, mostly discription of scenes. What I do get about Jeremy and Sherridan is that they are boyfriend and girlfriend trying to escape the skull men, they tell everyone at the dance that "they're here" and at least "they know". There was no explanation, no true "meat" to the story, but I think expanded, there is a good idea in there. It just needed more for me...and I realize with limited pages it is a bit hard.
I love words and the fact that when the page is blank...there's nothing there until words are formulated in my brain. Those thoughts...rushing through my viens and out my finger tips, find "life" on the page.††
When people and places come to life...that to me is exciting.
MBCgirl =) My finger nails should look nice while I type - Red works!
As others have already noted, formatting is terrible. Mistakes on every page. Absolutely no clue what is supposedly going on here...seriously...no clue. Many "new" scenes don't have new scene headings, which make it impossible to follow.
I am seriously curious as Hell to find out what the idea is behind this.
To ski or not to ski...that's not even a question.
This is hard to read. For the formatting software is the thing to do. I'm told that celtx software is free. I think the thing I found most irritating were the spelling mistakes that the automatic underlining thing highlighted because they are easily fixed.
The story suffers by being lost in the description.
This is fast paced thinking on the run which can leave people behind. However, if you could turn some of the description into dialogue get the formatting right, then this fast paced story would really power home. Iím of the of opinion that you can only really explain so much, then you have to tell it. Some people demand to know the inís and outís of every fine detail which can be detract from the creative approach. I think the audience can fill in the gaps with a bit of Ďaudience logicí I mean we canít start writing every story with Ďin a galaxy far far wayí. I liked your ballsy approach to the challenge. (if you are female its still ballsy) Raw but creative. Cheers Walford
Okay, the format is definitely off, but I wouldn't say that it was so bad that it was hard to read, like the others did. It wasn't completely terrible. Take the advice of the previous poster and look into getting Celtx though. It'll put everything in its proper place.
As far as the story goes, you definitely kept in line with the challenge, and I thought the skull men were pretty interesting.
I think you could have done a better job of describing your main characters, since there isn't anything in there that describes their ages or anything. Sherridan's age would've definitely been more helpful than the fact that she has long, brown hair.
Anyway, I'm going to take a guess that this was written by someone who is still really, really new to screenwriting, and I think given that, you did a good job.