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Treat or Trick? by Stephen Francis - Short, Young Adult, Horror - Two teenage boys, home alone on Halloween, try to pick up dates on the internet --and end up with ...a little more than they bargained for. - doc, format
Wasn't bad, had some pretty creepy moments! I think you could of made the dialog a bit more mysterious when talking online, when Tanya says she's an alien it would of been scarier without saying then revealing she's an alien if it was written like that I think when she was in the house it would of been more suspenseful and intense. The story didn't really follow the hoax and the community, I think it would of been better suited for the theme if at the end you maybe revealed a bunch of hot aliens doing this everywhere, just a thought! Overall, it was entertaining, good work!
I love words and the fact that when the page is blank...there's nothing there until words are formulated in my brain. Those thoughts...rushing through my viens and out my finger tips, find "life" on the page.
When people and places come to life...that to me is exciting.
MBCgirl =) My finger nails should look nice while I type - Red works!
Story is good, maybe a little simplistic for the young adult group considering the games and TV shows they are exposed to. Leaving the format issues as already discovered, the dialogue between the characters was quite good. The requirements of the OWC were not wholly covered. All things considered good effort. Walford
I think one was okay. I did like the whole talking with people in chatrooms idea, becuause it's probably true that no one is who they say they are. I also thought that the two kids were pretty funny in some of their bantering.
I did think the stuff with Tanys"the alien" didn't sound true, it was mostly forced I think.
I think this had it's moments but I don't think it worked as a whole.