Decent title, bland logline

Okay, felt like a thriller all along. No problem. The back and forth of dialogue were entertaining.

It was a clever development though I haven't understood the bunny costume nor the exact connection to Wolf. Decent entry.

I thought the writing on display was reasonable here, certainly easy enough to read...

But, the ending confused me, not really sure why the police would let him out or what actually happened after that?

So worth a re-write and I'll re-read after that's finished, if writer wants.

Anthony

Didn't really get what's going on here. Little boy Tom is called Dr. Edwards later, so I figured he's now an adult still stuck in his childhood trauma which somehow involves a fire and a Wolf? That's about the level of what I understood, but unfortunately that's all.

The dialog is quite weird sometimes, almost like characters speak about things we didn't get to see in the script. Did you cut out scenes and forgot to fix the following ones?

Had to read this multiple times. I did pick up on a few things I'd missed the first time around, but even so, things just don't add up for some reason and I'm left with many questions. Glad I'm not the only one. Would appreciate an explanation from the writer.

Anyway, I think the cops' dialogue is way too corny/unrealistic... in a word, too movie-ish. I also don't see why the one dude has to leave the room every single time, especially at such inopportune moments. Wouldn't they want to dig in and hear what the people had to say? That's, like, their job, ain't it? You could've cut these bits off the ends of their respective scenes and it wouldn't have caused any problems.

Other than that, I'm at a loss. Felt a little half-baked this one. Congrats on entering in any case.

Protagonist is not properly introduced. Very bad start.

"Little boy[']s bedroom." Also, name him. Is it Tommy, little boy, or Little Boy Tom? Consistency.

"Daddy"???

What "woman screams"?

"once-cute"

(CONT'D) is unnecessary unless there's a page break.

Very poor first page.

Quoted Text More blood [flings] on[to] the lamp.

Active voice.

Is this the same Tom?

Quoted Text He wears a paper “bunny suit” with the hood on his head and his hands shackled to the table.

Huh??? "Bunny suit"??

Quoted Text RYAN Doctor Edwards? Can I call you Tom?

Are there any other Toms and Tommys I should know about?

Quoted Text RYAN Tom, I’m gonna need you to pay attention.

Easier said than done, so far. And my name's not Tom.

Story isn't picking up. Very poor start. I'm gonna have to pass.

Challenge/Parameters: B-
Story/Execution: D

Sorry but I really couldn't get my head around this one.

The writing needs some work but again the biggest issue is that I think the writter didn't clearly portray what they were trying to get across.

Maybe this one will be better after a rewite.