We open with 3 pages of dialogue. Didn't he just buy the car, yet he's acting like he's never even sat in it? Anyway, the story gets going around page 5. Personally, I would've just started the whole thing with the warning alerts.

This was quite imaginative but I didn't find anything horror about it. If it was trimmed down and you lost some of that dialogue it would be a fun piece.

I won't piggyback off others'.  The biggest issue I had, and I say this humbly, was I felt... at times... like the characters were talking to me and not to one another. They were explaining things to one another that presumably the other would already know. I get that we (the audience) need to know these things, I just feel there might be a subtler way of exposing them.

Overall, it was a decent effort. -Andrea.

Logline would be soooo much better if you deleted 'Literally!'.

Quite a few 'is seen' and 'is heard' that is unnecessary: e.g. Jazz is on the radio; Lightning and thunder.

Pg. 7 Fade to Black. OH! There's more! I thought that was the end....

Well, that was interesting and unexpected. An extra blank page for good measure. Can't say I'm a big fan of this one. The time span in the slugs wouldn't be conveyed to a viewer unless written a Super. Some spelling issues too (lightening).

Good job entering, writer.