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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    One Week Challenge    October 2012 One Week Challenge  ›  The Final Trip - 10/12 OWC
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  Author    The Final Trip - 10/12 OWC  (currently 4217 views)
DarrylLuster
Posted: March 17th, 2013, 9:50am Report to Moderator
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Edward, When a character speaks in dialogue and says a number in dialogue speech, It should be written out as words. For example on page 5. Ace's dialogue speech should be as follows:

                                             ACE
                                Once we drink this,  there is no
                                going back.  They say four to eight
                                hours.  Not a short trip,  my friend.

            


I looked up the meaning to these words. Culprit and Mum.

You gave us this word and as question in your logline: Culprit?

In order to apply this to your story. I would have to say yes.  But

not culprit, How about Ted is the Malefactor?

I looked up the word Mum?  The best way I describe it to match your story is that it stands for Voiceless.

Edward we have two young men in thier early twenties. Who are driving in a fierce storm. They quickly take shelter in a rundown motel out of nowhere.

When they check into the room and walk down to the door, And enter. The first thing they see is a can of baked beans that are wallop with ants crawing over it upon the wooden lamp table.

After these two young men get setteled down, The strong storm outside gets rougher and rougher. They plug in a gas grill and make themselves some hot tea.

When they begin to sip and settle down, Ace out of the blue yonder ask Ted, Did I ever tell you that I sometimes see my mum?

Edward the word means Voiceless to make your story clear.

What I see is that this is 100% Murder and suicide with with self-slaughter written all over it without a prayer in sight.

It's a good R rated short self inflicting womb twilght on behalf of both parties.

Darryl

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