When I read the camera directions right from the get-go I was worried. But as I kept reading, I found the script somewhat entertaining...despite one noticeable spelling error. (PRINCIPLE instead of PRINCIPAL...or is that some sort of UK spelling I did have a question with this line

Quoted Text RODNEY, a 22 year old ghost, laughs as he removes h is grim reaper mask.

I'm not saying it's not inventive, but...how does a transparent ghost get/wear a mask? I guess I can roll with it...but no, it kind of bugs me a little. Just a nitpick.

You hava FADE OUT. No need for THE END.

Not too bad, I think. I didn't love it, but I didn't hate it.

A pretty good story here, perhaps not executed in the best way. While Hillary's character and movements within the script are pretty clear, some of the other events are a bit too vague and things jump about rather than flow. I get the sense there's a clear idea behind everything, it just didn't translate well to the page.

The ending should be when Hillary dies, I don't see the point of extending to her trapped within her own eyes. It doesn't even work symbolically since the eyes, as stated, are not windows to the soul. Are we to believe she is now in Hell? Or did something else happen to trap her there for eternity? Whatever the case, it doesn't work as it is now.

Good job overall, not one of the best but certainly better than many.

Hey there,

Although this one was not for me, there was a lot to like here, chief among them the cloaked figures coming for Hillary. Their dialogue was a bit iffy, but their mere presence was unnerving, to say the least. So good work on that.

I think one of the reasons the story itself didn't resonate with me was the way in which
It was written. Yes, one week is a short time. But the writing just didnt feel insistent, meaning your pace was off. There was a story, but I felt it got lost in the writing. Your action didnt jump off the page.

But overall a decent effort. I hope this makes a little sense!

Steve

Pretty easy read and decent dialog. It's a good effort, but I just don't think it's memorable for many of the reasons already given.

Weighted Matrix: https://docs.google.com/spread.....TTUE&usp=sharing

Producer's Notes: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1NNGaVlrrpkjIfp-BRGjpTE03W1e5lZuRceJ3wQECYaI/edit?usp=sharing

21. The Doorway To Hell by Fifteen - Horror - When a medium, who would rather be normal, is given the chance to expand her powers, she will bear the wight of the world in her decision to fight for good or evil.
Brief - Too many characters and too many locations killed this screenplay

Location(s)  - Countryside, house bedroom & exterior, magic shop, High school hall
Cast - too many
Protagonist(s)  -  
Antagonist(s)  -
WOMAN, early 20's
CLOAKED FIGURES 6X
HILLARY, 26
CALLUM, 28
RODNEY, 22, ghost
OLD LADY
Genre & Marketability - Too expensive to produce
Comments  -  Dramatic opening scene. Nice. I just paid seven local actors + DoP + audio tech + MUA $50 each for two or three hours of set up, shooting, and breakdown = $500 for a <1min scene. You gotta work on how you conceive of these scenes. Ghost effect is actually not that hard to achieve. But all these new locations every page are killing you. That and this ever growing cast. Pg5: "Hillary overlooks a large house of horrors maze that runs from one end of the hall to the other" and I'm outta here at this line. Too d@mn expensive. Large casts and multiple locations are exactly how you begin to understand the difference between writing pie-in-the-sky stories and stories that are budget minded = likely to be produced.
Script format -
Final word - Can't afford

     Lo/Hi Estimated Budget Range
/      Screenplay Pages
= $      Estimated Cost Per Screen Minute

Adherence to Given Criteria:
Modern Witches and/or Warlocks -
Horror -