Read a few more at work. Time for a brief rapid fire review session.

Wasn't big on this one. More of a situation than a plot. A lot of the earlier stuff isn't necessary. The fact that Jay was clubbing and with his friends is sort of irrelevant. All the story takes is for someone to run into this warlock and go home. Since Jay's friends disappear after the setup, all the business of Jay disappearing just serves to stall events.

I also don't understand the plot in relation to the logline. Doesn't the warlock basically become a vessel in the very first scene? Why wouldn't he be viable for the demon?

A lot of the descriptions reminded me of Evil Dead, which is always welcome even when sort of contrived. Really, the bulk of the proceedings in the script are very Raimi. I think it could've been very fun if it weren't for the majority of the writing. A lot of awkward phrasing and descriptions that are difficult to envision. "Molten orbs" for example. Is that supposed to be just glowing eyes or is he supposed to look like he's got liquid metal in his eye sockets? Or fire. Later, you describe the eyes as just red. I don't know what to make of all this.

The action in general also made for a confusing read. At times, Jay seemed possessed. At others, like he was being pursued by something. The whole Jay/Demon thing was lost on me somehow. I hope that's not because I wasn't paying attention. As of now, it doesn't seem like it.

The ending was weak. Not enough time goes by after Jay gets "better" for it to have any impact. It's a rehash of what's happened already anyway.

So yeah. Could've been way better.

Though the logline says the goal, I don't see this stated in the script. I didn't really see any plot here and why I should care about Jay and why the old man raised the demon.

Sentences were structured okay, but spelling errors right from the get-go. Don't use "cut to" in spec scripts. The parenthetical "to himself" is completely unnecessary - we already know he's alone, so who else would he be speaking to.

Needs work.

I haven't read the reviews yet, so maybe I'm way off on my comments. Take em with a grain of salt.

While there is some horror and definitely a lot of witchcraft it all seems rather traditional to me. There was no modern spin on the ritual. Maybe use a different take on the rituals we haven't seen before. To me this felt more like exorcism stuff. They felt more like Satanists or demon worshippers rather than witches.

Uninspired. Generic. Needs some fresh ideas to work better. Needs modern spin.

Weighted Matrix: https://docs.google.com/spread.....TTUE&usp=sharing

Producer's Notes: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1NNGaVlrrpkjIfp-BRGjpTE03W1e5lZuRceJ3wQECYaI/edit?usp=sharing

22. Evocation by Fourteen - Horror - An aging warlock begins to lose his once incredible  powers as death creeps upon him. As one last act of evil, he summons a demon spirit from the depths of hell in the hope of unleashing death and carnage on earth.  But first, a strong vessel must be found to house the spirit. Once found, can the vessel in question fight off the demon possession and prevent hell on earth?
Brief - Old man summons spirit, spirit/old man possesses young man

Location(s)  - Basement, techno club, street, house exterior & interior
Cast - 8 (but could/should easily be cut down to 2 or 3 on rewrite)
Protagonist(s)  -  
JAY, 20s, tall and of an athletic build
Antagonist(s)  -
MAN, old, frail
QUEUE of people lines the street (Groaaaaan... )
BOUNCER 2X
ERIC, 20s
DAVID, 20s
Genre & Marketability - Supernatural Horror. This is not a solid self contained story. It is a story segment, possibly an opening sequence or a scene from a greater story. Modern witches and witchcraft portrayed unfavorably.
Comments  -  Turn off your screenwriting program's mores and continued's feature. How much is it gonna cost us just to make that book? Cut the "CUT TO:s". On your slug lines you gotta put a space between the INT/EXT. and the location and dash and the DAY/NIGHT, and no periods at the end of slugs. Action lines are too descriptive, AKA "novely." Demon summoning is honestly more Judeo-Christian oriented than pagan witchcraft.
Script format - Needs work
Final word - Nice, but too expensive as is. Not really horror, either

$3,000 - 5,000      Lo/Hi Estimated Budget Range
/ 5.6               Screenplay Pages
= $536 - 893           Estimated Cost Per Screen Minute

Adherence to Given Criteria:
Modern Witches and/or Warlocks - Nope
Horror - Not really