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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Sci Fi and Fantasy Scripts  ›  Creature of Habit Moderators: bert
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Don
Posted: December 21st, 2010, 9:11pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Creature of Habit by Darren J Seeley - Sci Fi, Fantasy - It's a plan to rid the city of overrun crime and decay in Boston 2070: extermination. But the common taxpayers are also targets, so it's up to The Enforcers to face the monster menace! 109 pages

- pdf, format


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RayW
Posted: December 22nd, 2010, 1:14pm Report to Moderator
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Freedom

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Howdy Darren

     Various tables turn over to reveal more hi-tech
     equipment and more microscopes.

     Three TECHS remove a hidden wall to show items marked
     with a biohazard sign, bizarre machinery and four giant
     twenty-five foot EGGS with wires and cables attached to
     them with suction cups.

Is this supposed to be like a children's animated feature? That looks pretty Saturday morning, Teenage Mutant Ninja turtles corny.


                         DOG OWNER
          You bastard, do I look alright

Nope. Not for little kids. Maybe PG-13.

WTH happened on page 8?
We went from Lioness calling Owl into some kinda Apple Pie restaurant front to a secret basement lab where...
     Her halfway burned up body still seated and wired up at
     a computer terminal, her blood boils around her jaw,
     which is dislocated.

     Owl comes closer and on closer inspection, sees that one
     of her eyes is missing and the other bulged out; her
     chest is open with her heart exposed.

     Her body gets another jolt of electric shock, she
     contorts violently as her left eye and her heart jump
     out in unison. Blood explodes all over the table.

     Owl carefully removes the cables out of her cybernetic
     right arm. Her body twitches once more, and stops.

     Owl looks at the computer screen, wipes off the thick
     blood.

     He flicks off a eye off the keyboard...


Computer program fried her?

     Owl gets up, his clothes soaked. Lioness' heart slides
     off his jacket.

Definitely not PG-13 Saturday morning fare.
A little Paul Verhoeven-ish

(OMG. At about 0:56 they're using a knock off of the TERMINATOR theme music!)
@ 0:39 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x2I7HJMOfYA
The Terminator - 1984
Robocop - 1987


Darren, I'm going to wait until you get back to me with a better handle on what I'm reading and in what context I need to be reviewing it.
There are mixed signals here between the silliness of flipping tables in laboratories, frog embryos in twenty-five foot eggs and people-frying computer programs.



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DarrenJamesSeeley
Posted: December 22nd, 2010, 7:23pm Report to Moderator
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Thanks for an early read Ray.

But it is "R".

Think Heavy Metal.
The script is loaded with dark coffin humor, satire and gallons of blood and goo.

And yes, Lioness did do a cyberpunk turn, "jacking in" to a computer mainframe. It's roots are in William Gibson, but has been propelled to awareness in various films, some of which you mention.



"I know you want to work for Mo Fuzz. And Mo Fuzz wants you to. But first, I'm going to need to you do something for me... on spec." - Mo Fuzz, Tapeheads, 1988
my scripts on ss : http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?m-1095531482/s-45/#num48
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