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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Sci Fi and Fantasy Scripts  ›  Must Escape from the Slaughtercity Moderators: bert
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  Author    Must Escape from the Slaughtercity  (currently 491 views)
Don
Posted: March 31st, 2019, 5:16pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Must Escape from the Slaughtercity by Hank Biro - Sci Fi, Fantasy, Horror - A young man and his friends survive an onslaught of farmers unleashed by a satanic government, only to be arrested, turned to plastic, and allowed to witness the dawn of animal-person-kind. 79 pages - pdf format

For production consideration - No comments required


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Revision History (4 edits; 1 reasons shown)
Don  -  December 12th, 2019, 12:10pm
revised draft and logline
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Marcela
Posted: December 25th, 2019, 2:48pm Report to Moderator
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Hi Hank,
The first page of the script doesn't read like a script at all. How would you film that a shop that opened recently is full of customers? Surely you need a dialog between customers or something similar. Page 2 is much better, and I'm intrigued by the outrages statements of the farmers. I would change the title of the film, it's just unnecessarily morbid! I may read a bit more later on,
Marcela


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