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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Sci Fi and Fantasy Scripts  ›  The Andropholis Sphere Moderators: bert
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Don
Posted: September 9th, 2021, 3:54pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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The Andropholis Sphere by Christopher Sorensen - Sci Fi, Fantasy, Drama, Action/Adventure, Humor - A brash, often stubborn formula one race car driver survives a horrific accident. With a new lease on life, he decides to use his brains rather than his brawn to change the world's view on fossil fuels by inventing a new power source. 133 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work



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ColinS
Posted: September 14th, 2021, 12:33pm Report to Moderator
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Hi Chris - Reading 60 pages of the Andropholis Sphere.

The Pros - Writing in general is good. It flows well, good spacing, fairly seamless to read. Good humour. Well done!

The Cons - I feel it seriously needs to be cut down. There's a lot of scenes and dialogue that could be trimmed or cut completely to get the story moving quicker. I was 60 pages in and the story hadn't really got going. A lot of emphasis on the engine building. Too much emphasis.

133 pages is a big read for a spec script, it often deters readers - I think you could get this down to 90-100. Or take in to consideration for your next project.

Sorry for that negative on your hard work - As I said, I liked your writing in general and there's definitely potential.
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