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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Action/Adventure Scripts  ›  Hunter's Bounty Moderators: bert
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Don
Posted: August 14th, 2005, 10:18pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Hunter's Bounty by Tyrone Vincent Banks - Action, Comedy - TY HUNTER is one of the best Bounty Hunters in the United States of America, but please, don't tell his wife!  - rtf, format


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bert  -  January 2nd, 2008, 9:31am
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Andreas_Huettner
Posted: August 22nd, 2005, 1:24am Report to Moderator
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Hi Tyrone,

i read your Script yesterday and overall i liked it quite much. Your dialog-pacing is outstanding, most of the dialog is quite funny and smart and the idea with the BB-Guns is great. I also loved the "E-Bay"-running gag.

Nevertheless there are some things i did not like that much. First of all, the plot does not seem to move in one particular direction. O.k., Ty want`s to capture Sheppard and "Billy". But it lacks the special "something" why it is so important for him to capture this guy. It seems that Sheppard is just "Business as usual". There should be a bigger threat either to Ty himself, to his family or to the Public in general... Then there is this thing about Nydian. What is she... an ex-Victorias Secret-Model? An ex-Army-Chick who knows how to disarm a bomb? A nymphomanic girl who tries to seduce a married man, just to switch her love intrest to a "semi gay" Latino within a few minutes? She does not work... And then there is this Steven Shepperd alias Stefan Giovanni being a german problem. Stefan may be a german Name, but Giovanni is clearly italian. The perfect german translation of Steven Shepperd would be Stefan Schaefer. And the few sentences spoken in german are... well... obviously done with a Translation-Tool like World-Lingo or Babylon Translator... especially the "Business-Talk" near the end of the Script makes absolutelly no sense at all. Maybe i could do a English-to-Native German-Translation for you...

But like i said in the beginning... overall i liked the script and had a lot of fun reading it. With a bit of fine-tuning this could be a very funny movie!

Bye
Andreas Huettner

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bert  -  August 22nd, 2005, 5:42am
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