You asked me to read your script, so I did.
First let me congratulate you for finishing your script! You are ahead of me already. I think you wrote this really nicely and I want you to remember that as you read the rest.
I see that you have some really nice reviews already and knowing who they are, I can imagine most of the problems have already been addressed.
I’m just going to tell you what I thought about the story itself and how I saw it. You may not like that, but I’m being honest. Let me ad to this that I do like horror movies. Just because I’m a woman and not a youngster does not mean I only like dramas and romances. In fact I like scary, psychological, violent, gruesome, gory even messy. One thing that doesn’t work for me though is monsters and zombies. The only monsters that scare me are the human ones.
I thought it started out pretty good. I would’ve really enjoyed knowing more about the history of the Scarecrow and how it came about. Definitely would’ve liked some more info on Raines.
After that opening sequence however, you slowly lost my interest. I honestly felt like I’ve seen (or read) this before. Not just once, but many times. I actually put your script down several times to do other things like laundry for example.
Teenagers (or young people), a little sex, an abandoned area or woods, a monster, some killings. I don’t know what to tell you, I wish I could tell you I was scared stiff and on the edge of my seat and that it all seemed fresh and new to me, but I can’t. I’m sorry.
What’s with all the you’s?
Pg2, my brothers will get use – used
Pg4, Sara, Tony, my girl Leanne is dialogue, but you have it as action line.
Pg5, ditto page 4, Colt’s dialogue
Pg6, arrested for drink driving – drunk driving
don’t give Tony or Leanne any grieve – grief
pg8, Apology – apology
dialogue line out of place again
been serious or just joking – being
pg9, dialogue is cut in half and continues on next page
pg10, ditto pg9.
Pg12, Colt kicks through the car window. I know this is make believe, but have you
ever tried kicking through a car window? I have, it’s VERY hard. You also say
the window shatters and then he pulls Anna out through the window. Wouldn’t
she get really cut up during this?
Pg13, COLY – COLT
Pg14, when there all – they’re
Pg24, GROCERIES STORE – GROCERY STORE
past there sell by date – their
pg25, SCARECROW MAKING SHOP – DAVY – DAY
pg27, were coming to meet you’s – we’re coming to meet you
TOWN – HOUSE – DAT – DAY
Pg28, you say Leanne squirms from the smell of the toilet…after 25 years it still smells?
Pg30, practically out the town – out of the town
Pg31, Let’ look – let’s look
Pg35, Tony takes Sara’s hand and try’s – tries
all of there eyes – their
pg43, looking around for there target – their
pg45, discover there blown out cars – their
pg46, jeep door but them – jeep door, but then
where taking this jeep – we’re
he Gavin and Sara the rest up - ?
pg47, EXT. WOOD – NIGHT - WOODS
pg49, nice twist!!
Pg51, he sticks his pen knife into her heart? Pen knife….really
Pg52, she’s grabs – she grabs
blood to splatter – blood start to splatter
I wish I could’ve been more positive. If it makes you feel any better, I think it was really nice for a first script and like I said earlier, you’re ahead of me already.