SimplyScripts Discussion Board
Blog Home - Produced Movie Script Library - TV Scripts - Unproduced Scripts - Contact - Site Map
ScriptSearch
Welcome, Guest.
It is July 3rd, 2025, 2:09am
Please login or register.
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login
The primary purpose of the SimplyScripts Discussion Board is the discussion of unproduced screenplays. If you are a producer or director lookng for your next project, the works here are available for option, purchase or production only if you receive permission from the author.

NOTE: these screenplays are NOT in the public domain and MAY NOT be used or reproduced for any purpose (including eductional purposes) without the expressed written permission of the author.

New to SimplyScripts? - Tell us about yourself! | How does this discussion board work? - FAQs! | Submit Your Script
The answer to: Who wrote what script in the June 2025 One Week Challenge? <- click back there


The July 2025 One Week Challenge comes, soon.

How do I get my film's link and banner here?
Short Script of the Day | Featured Shorts Available for Production | Guidelines and Censorship | Produced Script Database | Oscar Winning Screenplays through the Ages | WGA Top 101 Screenplays

Forum Login
Username: Create a new Account
Password:     Forgot Password

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Action/Adventure Scripts  ›  Rats in the City Moderators: bert
Users Browsing Forum
No Members and 1 Guests

 Pages: 1
Recommend Print
  Author    Rats in the City  (currently 1791 views)
Don
Posted: July 3rd, 2006, 10:22am Report to Moderator
Administrator
Administrator


So, what are you writing?

Location
Virginia
Posts
17350
Posts Per Day
1.94
Rats in the City by Wesley Frazier - Action - The films revolves around Addison, Texas. In this city, once you get past the suburban neighborhoods and the college bound teen, appearing out of the shadows of the dark lie the criminal underground. At this point in time two powerhouses: the Dynasty Family and The Shark collide to make a major transaction. However, Murphy's law play it's part and the deal goes to hell. Now both sides question on another and build vendettas. Vengence is only the beginning. 129 pages - fdr, format


Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.

-------------
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky
Logged Offline
Site Private Message
Lon
Posted: July 4th, 2006, 8:12pm Report to Moderator
New



Location
Louisville
Posts
417
Posts Per Day
0.06
I got about seven pages into this before I stopped.  This is going to come off as rude, but I assure you I have the best intentions.

Even using Final Draft, your format is all kablooey.  The title page is off, the second page -- which would be the first page of the script -- is completely empty save for "FADE IN" at the BOTTOM of the page.  Spelling mistakes, only seven pages in, are more than I could keep track of and the dialogue was repetitive in several instances and too "on-the-nose."  

I can't say what I think of the story so far, because I was far too distracted by the grammatical and format errors to pay attention.

My advice:  go over your script from page one (including the title page) and rewrite it.  Then rewrite it again.  What the hell, rewrite it a third time for good measure.  Only when you've eliminated ugly eye-sores and technical errors will a reader be able to focus on what your script is actually about: the story.

Good luck.  Keep writing.   

- Lon  
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 1 - 1
 Pages: 1
Recommend Print

Locked Board Board Index    Action/Adventure Scripts  [ previous | next ] Switch to:
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login

Forum Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post polls
You may not post attachments
HTML is on
Blah Code is on
Smilies are on
Powered by E-Blah Platinum 9.71B © 2001-2006