SimplyScripts Discussion Board
Blog Home - Produced Movie Script Library - TV Scripts - Unproduced Scripts - Contact - Site Map
ScriptSearch
Welcome, Guest.
It is April 8th, 2020, 5:46pm
Please login or register.
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login
If you wish to join this discussion board, please send me a message. Please do read the guidelines that govern behavior on the discussion board. It will make for a much more pleasant experience for everyone. A word about SimplyScripts and Censorship


Scripts Studios are posting for 2019 - 2020 award consideration

The Se7en Week Challenge script are due to March 2020 Challenge page by April 20th at midnight (edt)

Short Script of the Day | Featured Script of the Month | Featured Short Scripts Available for Production | Submit Your Script

How do I get my film's link and banner here?
All screenplays on the simplyscripts.com and simplyscripts.net domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
Forum Login
Username: Create a new Account
Password:     Forgot Password

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Action/Adventure Scripts  ›  Silent Rain Moderators: bert
Users Browsing Forum
No Members and 1 Guests

 Pages: 1
Recommend Print
  Author    Silent Rain  (currently 2015 views)
Don
Posted: December 30th, 2006, 10:04am Report to Moderator
Administrator
Administrator


So, what are you writing?

Location
Virginia
Posts
13568
Posts Per Day
1.93
Silent Rain by Joey Pardue (jp345) - Adventure - This is an adventure/multiple character study set in a futuristic vision of the united states in which more than three quarters of the country has been destroyed by natural disaster. 82 pages - pdf, format


Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.


-------------
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky
Logged
Site Private Message
sniper
Posted: January 12th, 2007, 9:51am Report to Moderator
Old Timer


My UZI Weighs A Ton

Location
Northern Hemisphere
Posts
2294
Posts Per Day
0.72
Hi Joey,

Just started reading your script - I am about ten pages into it - and already I have to force myself to keep reading. Here's why:

!!!SPOILERS!!!

In the opening scene you tell us that the US was ravaged by natural disasters. What kind of natural disasters? 42 states left uninhabitable. How? You have to be much more specific here, you have to show us what has happened and how. Two lines just isn't enough. Why did the remaining states devide into two territories? And what are they fighting for? Just more territory? Why? What's so great about Indianna or Nebraska that you want to go to war with your compatriots over it? More info please.

Inkyohm and Neilam...? Are you kidding? Surely you can come up with names that mean something. I understand you have taken letters from each state to form the name but it would be better if the names were actually real words, like The League of blah blah etc.

I believe the border between Illinois and Indianna is just under 300 miles long so a giant wall between the two states seems somewhat unrealistic. Especially since it takes about a day to climb from one side to the other, which would make it a very, very high wall. What's the wall made of? Wood? Rock? And how long do you suppose it takes to build such a wall. 5 years? 10? 20?

Chandler climbs the wall only to be arrested the moment he sets foot on the other side. That seems pretty dumb, considering that he picks a random place to climb a wall that's 300 miles long. That's one hell of a watch force the other side have.

Eli chops the hand off a criminal using nothing more than a playing card. Are you suggesting that a piece of coated paper can cut clean through skin, tissue and bone? I really hope you'll rewrite that scene.

Don't forget to have one of the characters mention that Robert is Eli's brother. If you put what's in the script up on the screen as is, nobody will know that the two men are brothers.

There are both spelling and format errors both I won't go in to them now.

I'm not a 100 percent certain that I'll finish reading this script.


Robert


Down in the hole / Jesus tries to crack a smile / Beneath another shovel load
Logged
Private Message Reply: 1 - 4
mcgee435
Posted: January 15th, 2007, 11:57pm Report to Moderator
New-ish


Posts
2
Posts Per Day
0.00
Thank you sniper, I had been working on this script for a long time and I guess I had been completely ignoring those unrealistic bits, so thanks a lot for pointing them out .

Anyways,  I know only one person has read this, but I fixed a lot of things in it that needed fixing and I think it‘s a lot better...so if your interested in reading a much better version, what I may even call a final draft, here’s the link to it:

http://www.scriptbuddy.com/account/workstation/exportpdf.php?s=1001


Since I'm 17 and this is my first full length script, feedback and criticism would be appreciated,  thanks.
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 2 - 4
mcgee435
Posted: January 16th, 2007, 1:19am Report to Moderator
New-ish


Posts
2
Posts Per Day
0.00
Well, the link I posted to the script doesn't work because I don't really know how to link to PDF files...but if you really want to read it, go to scriptbuddy.com and go to the sixth page of published screenplays and click on Bloodflowers...
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 3 - 4
silent0saint
Posted: February 10th, 2007, 11:10am Report to Moderator
Guest User



Hey Joey

I've only read the first 6 pages of your script and already i think it's awsome.  The added details really made it interesting and more easier to follow. I'am really looking forward to seeing this movie.

Also i'm very intersted in becoming a screenwriter myself, and i was wodering if u had any advice u can give me that would help me in writing good scripts or that would help me in the future.
Logged
e-mail Reply: 4 - 4
 Pages: 1
Recommend Print

Locked Board Board Index    Action/Adventure Scripts  [ previous | next ] Switch to:
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login

Forum Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post polls
You may not post attachments
HTML is on
Blah Code is on
Smilies are on


Powered by E-Blah Platinum 9.71B © 2001-2006