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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Action/Adventure Scripts  ›  Angels & Demons Moderators: bert
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  Author    Angels & Demons  (currently 1799 views)
Don
Posted: January 27th, 2007, 3:11pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Angels & Demons by Charles Louwrens - Action, Supernatural Thriller - Imagine being able to step from the natural realm into the supernatural realm. To see the struggle that is taking place right now between good and evil, light and darkness, Angel and Demon as they battle for control over the lives and futures of ever living soul. This is one such story. 91 pages - pdf, format


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yorkshireladdy
Posted: May 14th, 2007, 7:50pm Report to Moderator
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Well, to be quite honest, I don't think your script is very well written.  That isn't say there weren't some imaginative descriptions or other creative situations here and there.  Kudos too for finishing writing an entire script, too.  But , overall, I think you should work on making a more coherent story and making sure it flows better, more logically.  Also think about making your characters seem more realistic and alive--that is, work on your character descriptions and try to make them unique, memorable, and zesty.  And cut back on the parenthetical info.  As it is your script looks totally amateurish and written by an unprofessional "fanboy" and not a serious writer.

Also, I have to admit I skimmed through it in about 15 minutes because I was intrigued by the title, which I thought was based on the Dan Brown book which I love, however, I think you should definitely come up with another name, among other problems, like formatting, plotting, and spelling (as previously mentioned).  It was a fun little read but has many problems.  Nice try, though.
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