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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Action/Adventure Scripts  ›  Batman - The Symbolic Enforcer Moderators: bert
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  Author    Batman - The Symbolic Enforcer  (currently 2654 views)
Don
Posted: January 3rd, 2013, 1:41pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Batman-The Symbolic Enforcer by Craig Singleton - Action, Comic Book - The continutation of Christopher Nolan's trilogy. After John Blake is left the co-ordinates to the batcave by Bruce Wayne he must find a way to save the people of Gotham from a new threat. 125 pages - doc, format


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danbotha
Posted: January 3rd, 2013, 5:10pm Report to Moderator
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"The continuation of Christopher Nolan's trilogy." - What part of 'trilogy' do you not understand?? The three movies are out already, mate. To continue on from that finale is wrong on so many levels.

When I opened this up, I was hoping for a perfectly formatted, nicely written piece, but alas... it's a doc. file. If you're serious about screenwriting you need to find yourself some software to help you with formatting issues. I strongly recommend Trelby. It's free and as far as free screenwriting softwares go, its top notch.

Aside from the formatting, I found the parts that I did read awkwardly written...

"A light breeze blows leaves off of the ground." - "Off of??" You don't need the two of them next to each other.

Make an appearance on the boards and I'll go into more detail.

Cheers,

Dan

P.S. Not a lot of writers will get past the first page if it's a doc. file. With screenwriting software, you at least have a chance.


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crookedowl
Posted: January 3rd, 2013, 6:47pm Report to Moderator
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Craig,

Like already stated above, you need the right format. Get Celtx, free formatting software. It'll make life easier.

Aside from the formatting, there are some other issues I'll address.

Start your script with FADE IN: to the left.

You've got the right idea with your sluglines, but I'd advise against using EXT./INT. Write a separate EXT scene, then start your INT scene. EXT./INT. is mostly used for car chases, when we're frequently cutting from inside the car to the road outside.

Keep your action lines active... write "he stands" instead of "he is standing".

Write character names in ALL CAPS when we see them on screen. You can even specify their age in your intros (just don't write it above dialogue).

And, don't name your character MALE 2 or MAN. Even very minor characters. If you don't give them all proper names, it's fine... but at least do something more specific than MAN, like FAT ROBBER or SNEERING ROBBER.

You've got some big paragraphs here, so break them up into shorter ones. 4 lines or less is the rule of thumb, but it doesn't hurt to make them even shorter. When I open a script and see huge block of text... it doesn't entice me to keep reading, to say the least.

Leave out CUT TO. Technically, there's no rule against it, and it can be used for the effect... but most of the time it's distracting.

I'm not a huge fan of your title. When I hear "The Symbolic Enforcer" I don't exactly think "epic, action packed adventure!" I think of a slow, symbolic and mostly metaphorical story... where your hero "symbolically" enforces things. But maybe that's just me. Anyway, I'd suggest getting something more exciting.

Hope this helps.

Will
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RegularJohn
Posted: January 3rd, 2013, 11:21pm Report to Moderator
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Hey Craig.

As suggested, download the screenwriting software.  It'll make your life so much easier than tabbing and spacing everything yourself.

Totally agree with Dan.  Taking on a completed trilogy just feels bad but for all we know, a great story may be buried somewhere in there.

To open with, you've got a big block of aciton lines as well as generically named characters.  Take Will's advice and find some unique attribute to separate them as characters so we aren't left with numbered men and women.

At the bottom of page 1 when the other man and women or MALE 3 and FEMALE 2 (see how bad this can get?), I think that's the change in scene but because of the INT/EXT, I can't be sure.

Don't know why but "The Symbolic Enforcer" actually sounds a bit dated to me.  Like an old Michael Keaton batman movie that was never made.  It isn't an issue, just a thought.  Best of luck with it all.


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Leegion
Posted: January 4th, 2013, 3:04pm Report to Moderator
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Unfortunately with this script, it's incorrectly formatted. I take it you're using Microsoft Word? If so, then that's a big no-no, unless you know how to format it all correctly, like taking the caps off new sentences on lower lines, indenting page numbers, dialogue tabbing etc.

I started on MS Word, still use it, but after downloading Celtx I managed to write three or four pages in the program, then open up word and format it correctly by using the Celtx pages as a guideline for how a script should look.

Your title "The Symbolic Enforcer" as stated, isn't very catchy. With the way TDKR's ended, perhaps you could use something like: The Dark Knight Legacy, fits, works and is definitely in accordance with Nolan's trilogy names, aside from Batman Begins of course.

INT./EXT. as stated is commonly used for high-intensity action scenes. Mostly when there's a car chase and/or foot-chase that speeds through alleyways, then shops and markets to the road again. I never use it, when I write action if a character bursts through a door or the characters are talking in the car whilst chasing the killer/antagonist I cut back and forth between EXT. and INT. rather than using both at the same time.

Names for characters, another point brought up by the members here on this thread, even if they're unimportant, at least give them a name. Man #1, Guy #1, Brawler #1, I started like you did but eventually started giving every single character an actual name rather than labelling them with hashtags and numbers.

Work on the logline too: What the protagonist is up to, who the antagonist is, what is at stake. The three key points to a successful and eye-catching logline.
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DarrenJamesSeeley
Posted: January 5th, 2013, 12:23am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Leegion
Unfortunately with this script, it's incorrectly formatted. I take it you're using Microsoft Word? If so, then that's a big no-no, unless you know how to format it all correctly, like taking the caps off new sentences on lower lines, indenting page numbers, dialogue tabbing etc.  




Not to mention that you can make pdfs from MS Word as well.

As for the script here, same old stuff, different day.
Why is it that folks who write fan scripts don't respect the material they adapt?
Why is it folks write fan scripts with loads of amatuer mistakes?
Why is it they think they can sell it?
Why can't they write something un-fanbased, like, oh, a script not based on existing properties?

Lookit. Tell you what. Forget John Blake's Batman. You wanna write a spec fan script that continues where DKR left off? Batman and Catwoman in Paris, France.

And yes, that's in jest. It'd work though.
I think....




"I know you want to work for Mo Fuzz. And Mo Fuzz wants you to. But first, I'm going to need to you do something for me... on spec." - Mo Fuzz, Tapeheads, 1988
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