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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Action/Adventure Scripts  ›  Beverly Hills Cops Moderators: bert
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  Author    Beverly Hills Cops  (currently 7681 views)
Don
Posted: February 22nd, 2013, 6:07pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Beverly Hills Cops by Eric Dickson - Action, Adventure - Axel Foley, now a private investigator, takes a missing persons case to Beverly Hills where he discovers a link between his case and Taggert's recently married son. 127 pages - pdf, format


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You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
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Revision History (1 edits)
Don  -  February 24th, 2013, 8:16pm
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DarrenJamesSeeley
Posted: February 22nd, 2013, 11:30pm Report to Moderator
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The title page gives me a bit of warning with the colorful letters and the actors names above the title. I couldn't help but note "Axel Foley" doesn't show up until 16 pages into the script,  Rosewood on 28 and Taggart on 31. If anything, I'd at least move Axel's first scene up within the first ten, if not the first five.

And you're probably wondering how I got that far. That's because for those first 15 pages, you actually hooked me. I'm thinking, where is this going? Where's Foley? Where's Taggart (or his son?) Where's Rosewood? On a BHC level, it's not a great start but it's almost good by itself.

I repeat. The first fifteen pages are alright. Not great, not good. But alright and bordering on good.(a few spelling errors) But ...I  also repeat ...Axel Foley doesn't appear until page 16. Aside from his undercover work hustle, where the writer is trying too hard to get the character's hustle down something pops out at me, there's nothing interesting about Axel anymore, so it would seem.

"The Heat Is On".
Telling me where the credits go.

A character named Valentine (note: while not the character Murphy played in 'Trading Places', it still distracted me)

And it keeps going downhill. For a spec fanscript, I was disappointed in the fact that you spelled a character's name wrong and kept it that way (Taggart, not Taggert) It was because of this I stopped at p30.

FYI
What's interesting to note is that, whether the writer knows it or not there is a new Beverly Hills Cop film coming, only it's a TV film, presumed to be a possible pilot for a TV series where it would follow...the son of Axel Foley


So what happened to a mild yet promising start? I'm going to take a guess.
I'm going to say...

The writer had an original script all his own. It was going nowhere. So he rewrote a little, and mixed it up with characters from Beverly Hills Cop Genius!!  
(when Rosewood now works for the Internal Affairs division you know something's up)

Clean it up. Take out all the BHC characters. Interchange them with new ones....which is probably what was originally intended.


"I know you want to work for Mo Fuzz. And Mo Fuzz wants you to. But first, I'm going to need to you do something for me... on spec." - Mo Fuzz, Tapeheads, 1988
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insider901
Posted: February 23rd, 2013, 2:48pm Report to Moderator
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Haven't read any of this but I'm wondering how much of a demand there is for another version of Beverly Hills Cop. Not to mention it's been 20 years...at least. Is it a remake or another sequel?
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ericdickson
Posted: March 20th, 2016, 4:49pm Report to Moderator
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I've done a few rewrites on this since 2013.  I'm actually pleased with the final product and am currently pitching to the powers that be over at William Morris Endeavor in a last ditch effort to get this script read.  Actor John Ashton has also agreed to read and review the latest draft.  I'm anxiously awaiting his comments.  Definitely embarrassed I misspelled Taggart in the earlier drafts.  Anyways, it will be nice to get an opinion from someone so close to the series.  
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TonyDionisio
Posted: March 21st, 2016, 2:38pm Report to Moderator
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Damnit, get to the point!

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I thought a BHC sequel was currently close to being in the can?
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