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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Action/Adventure Scripts  ›  Batman Vs. Superman Moderators: bert
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  Author    Batman Vs. Superman  (currently 2538 views)
Don
Posted: January 29th, 2014, 5:40pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Batman Vs. Superman by Frederick PiŮa - Action, Adventure -  Bruce Wayne and Clark Kent battle for the heart and affection of Lois Lane against a backdrop of criminal enterprises, orchestrated and controlled by no other than The Ventriloquist.  136 pages - pdf, format


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Dustin
Posted: January 30th, 2014, 3:03am Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients


Action speaks louder...

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Code

EXT. PUBLIC PARK, GOTHAM CITY -- MORNING

Itís the third week of cancelled classes as the little girl
is heard loudly yawning, and clearly is physically exhausted.

For after slowly rubbing her pot-belly, and fingers; her
father then has decided to buy her a hot-dog.

CLOSE ON: Large boulders floating throughout much of their
cityís skyline.

DADDY
Oh, honey, arenít balloons. Those
are, um, those are large, floating
boulders.

A manís suddenly killed several feet from them. As within
seconds, new mayhem, and panic ensudes; and yet, as of their
last, and most recently killed, high profile victim, that
being, their beloved mayor; has re-kindled that horror.




You're telling us a lot, but showing very little. I'm guessing that this is your first script and you wrote it to practise on. You also have some grammar issues. Are you translating this from another language?

You have lots of work to do. I'd suggest reading lots and lots of English novels... that should help you develop your own flow. As it stands, this is pretty much unreadable.


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